|
Ex-Premie.Org |
Forum II Archive #
5 |
From:
Feb 4, 1998 |
To:
Feb 13, 1998 |
Page:
5
Of:
5 |
|
Brian -:- Archives Comes Alive! -:- Wed, Feb 4, 1998 at 19:04:54 (EST)
JW -:- Amtext, Inc. -:- Wed, Feb 4, 1998 at 18:51:39 (EST)
___VP -:- Re: Amtext, Inc. -:- Wed, Feb 4, 1998 at 23:51:26 (EST)
___Mr Ex -:- Re: Amtext, Inc. -:- Thurs, Feb 5, 1998 at 01:13:03 (EST)
___Mr Ex -:- Re: Amtext, Inc. -:- Thurs, Feb 5, 1998 at 11:01:55 (EST)
___JW -:- Re: Amtext, Inc. -:- Thurs, Feb 5, 1998 at 14:07:39 (EST)
___Elan Vital -:- Re: Amtext, Inc. -:- Thurs, Feb 5, 1998 at 21:18:28 (EST)
___Mr Ex -:- G4 # ? -:- Fri, Feb 6, 1998 at 06:23:55 (EST)
JW -:- Wahadamar, Inc. -:- Wed, Feb 4, 1998 at 18:45:58 (EST)
___Mr Ex -:- Re: Wahadamar, Inc. -:- Thurs, Feb 5, 1998 at 01:09:13 (EST)
___Mr Ex -:- Re: Wahadamar, Inc. -:- Thurs, Feb 5, 1998 at 01:10:46 (EST)
___JW -:- Re: Wahadamar, Inc. -:- Thurs, Feb 5, 1998 at 14:10:19 (EST)
Selena -:- Long Beach '97 -:- Wed, Feb 4, 1998 at 15:40:50 (EST)
___john k. -:- Re: Long Beach '97 -:- Wed, Feb 4, 1998 at 17:10:12 (EST)
___JW -:- Re: Long Beach '97 -:- Wed, Feb 4, 1998 at 18:02:08 (EST)
___anoney -:- Re: Long Beach '97 -:- Wed, Feb 4, 1998 at 19:16:49 (EST)
___Brian -:- Re: Long Beach '97 -:- Wed, Feb 4, 1998 at 19:33:09 (EST)
___JW -:- Re: Long Beach '97 -:- Wed, Feb 4, 1998 at 19:45:04 (EST)
___Sir David -:- The big cheese -:- Wed, Feb 4, 1998 at 20:44:25 (EST)
___Sir David -:- Re: Long Beach '97 -:- Wed, Feb 4, 1998 at 22:13:25 (EST)
___JW -:- Re: Long Beach '97 -:- Wed, Feb 4, 1998 at 23:16:22 (EST)
___VP -:- Re: The big cheese -:- Wed, Feb 4, 1998 at 23:34:27 (EST)
___Katie -:- Re: The big cheese -:- Thurs, Feb 5, 1998 at 01:30:50 (EST)
___David -:- Smith stuff! -:- Thurs, Feb 5, 1998 at 04:05:59 (EST)
___Sir David -:- Re: The big cheese -:- Thurs, Feb 5, 1998 at 08:17:44 (EST)
___VP -:- Re: The big cheese -:- Thurs, Feb 5, 1998 at 09:55:38 (EST)
___Katie -:- Re: Glossary -:- Thurs, Feb 5, 1998 at 10:09:24 (EST)
___Sir David -:- Re: The big cheese -:- Thurs, Feb 5, 1998 at 11:06:58 (EST)
___Rick -:- Re: Smith stuff! -:- Thurs, Feb 5, 1998 at 11:07:50 (EST)
___VP -:- Re: Glossary -:- Thurs, Feb 5, 1998 at 13:07:56 (EST)
___JW -:- Re: Glossary -:- Thurs, Feb 5, 1998 at 13:49:19 (EST)
___selena -:- Re: The big cheese -:- Thurs, Feb 5, 1998 at 14:55:21 (EST)
___VP -:- Re: Lila -:- Thurs, Feb 5, 1998 at 15:29:56 (EST)
___Selena -:- Re: Long Beach '97 -:- Thurs, Feb 5, 1998 at 15:46:07 (EST)
___VP -:- Free at last! -:- Thurs, Feb 5, 1998 at 15:46:14 (EST)
___John K. -:- Re: Lila -:- Thurs, Feb 5, 1998 at 16:04:38 (EST)
___Katie -:- Re: Lila -:- Thurs, Feb 5, 1998 at 16:16:22 (EST)
___JW -:- Re: Lila -:- Thurs, Feb 5, 1998 at 16:20:38 (EST)
___JW -:- Re: Smith stuff! -:- Thurs, Feb 5, 1998 at 19:37:58 (EST)
___X -:- Re: Long Beach '97 -:- Thurs, Feb 5, 1998 at 19:56:30 (EST)
___Katie -:- Re: Smith stuff! -:- Thurs, Feb 5, 1998 at 20:38:04 (EST)
___Katie -:- Re: Long Beach '97 -:- Thurs, Feb 5, 1998 at 20:43:05 (EST)
___Joy -:- Re: Lila -:- Thurs, Feb 5, 1998 at 22:16:11 (EST)
___JW -:- Re: Smith stuff! -:- Fri, Feb 6, 1998 at 00:47:39 (EST)
___Mickey the Pharisee -:- Re: Long Beach '97 -:- Fri, Feb 6, 1998 at 01:22:42 (EST)
___Mr Ex -:- Sex stuff -:- Fri, Feb 6, 1998 at 10:25:27 (EST)
___Mr Ex -:- Let's sing Arti! -:- Fri, Feb 6, 1998 at 10:28:25 (EST)
___Selena -:- Re: Long Beach '97 -:- Fri, Feb 6, 1998 at 10:48:28 (EST)
___VP -:- Bhajans -:- Fri, Feb 6, 1998 at 11:17:15 (EST)
___Mr Ex -:- Re: Long Beach '97 -:- Fri, Feb 6, 1998 at 11:43:05 (EST)
___Selena -:- Re: Lila -:- Fri, Feb 6, 1998 at 13:36:33 (EST)
___Selena -:- Re: Bhajans -:- Fri, Feb 6, 1998 at 16:56:30 (EST)
___By giving his heart totally -:- and his mind and body, he is driven mad. -:- Sat, Feb 7, 1998 at 01:40:15 (EST)
Mr Ex -:- EV & charity -:- Wed, Feb 4, 1998 at 13:27:14 (EST)
___JW -:- Re: EV & charity -:- Wed, Feb 4, 1998 at 13:51:27 (EST)
___g@brial -:- Re: EV & charity -:- Wed, Feb 4, 1998 at 15:31:33 (EST)
___g@brial -:- Re: EV & charity -:- Wed, Feb 4, 1998 at 15:35:03 (EST)
___JW -:- Re: EV & charity -:- Wed, Feb 4, 1998 at 17:29:42 (EST)
___lg -:- Re: EV & charity -:- Wed, Feb 4, 1998 at 20:28:10 (EST)
___the color of -:- money -:- Wed, Feb 4, 1998 at 21:13:19 (EST)
___CD -:- Re: EV & charity -:- Thurs, Feb 5, 1998 at 04:18:23 (EST)
___Mr Ex -:- Re: EV & charity -:- Thurs, Feb 5, 1998 at 04:32:16 (EST)
___Curious -:- Re: EV & charity -:- Thurs, Feb 5, 1998 at 04:34:05 (EST)
___IRS -:- Re: EV & charity -:- Thurs, Feb 5, 1998 at 14:01:21 (EST)
___CD -:- Re: EV & charity -:- Thurs, Feb 5, 1998 at 19:54:20 (EST)
___IRS -:- Re: EV & charity -:- Fri, Feb 6, 1998 at 00:51:06 (EST)
___Mickey the Pharisee -:- Re: EV & charity -:- Fri, Feb 6, 1998 at 01:26:51 (EST)
___CD -:- Re: EV & charity -:- Fri, Feb 6, 1998 at 01:30:18 (EST)
___CD -:- Re: EV & charity -:- Fri, Feb 6, 1998 at 01:42:03 (EST)
___VP -:- Re: EV & charity -:- Fri, Feb 6, 1998 at 10:24:40 (EST)
___Agent -:- Re: EV & charity -:- Fri, Feb 6, 1998 at 12:42:07 (EST)
___CD -:- Re: EV & charity -:- Fri, Feb 6, 1998 at 17:57:53 (EST)
___Agent -:- Re: EV & charity -:- Fri, Feb 6, 1998 at 18:38:47 (EST)
___nt5 -:- Re: EV & charity -:- Sat, Feb 7, 1998 at 01:57:17 (EST)
Katie -:- To Steve A from Australia -:- Wed, Feb 4, 1998 at 10:50:44 (EST)
___Joy -:- Re: Premie Friends -:- Wed, Feb 4, 1998 at 13:31:28 (EST)
___Brian -:- Re: Premie Friends -:- Wed, Feb 4, 1998 at 19:12:37 (EST)
___VP -:- Re: To Steve A from Australia -:- Wed, Feb 4, 1998 at 21:58:57 (EST)
___Katie -:- Re: To Steve A from Australia -:- Wed, Feb 4, 1998 at 23:04:27 (EST)
___Katie -:- Re: To VP -:- Wed, Feb 4, 1998 at 23:11:09 (EST)
___VP -:- Re: To Steve A from Australia -:- Wed, Feb 4, 1998 at 23:16:08 (EST)
___Original message -:- Re: To Steve A from Australia -:- Wed, Feb 4, 1998 at 23:46:52 (EST)
___VP -:- Re: To Steve A from Australia -:- Thurs, Feb 5, 1998 at 00:30:29 (EST)
___Steve A -:- Re: To Steve A from Australia -:- Thurs, Feb 5, 1998 at 04:34:56 (EST)
___Selena -:- Re: Premie Friends -:- Thurs, Feb 5, 1998 at 15:16:27 (EST)
___VP -:- Friend -:- Thurs, Feb 5, 1998 at 22:30:08 (EST)
___Steve A -:- Re: Friend -:- Fri, Feb 6, 1998 at 03:30:33 (EST)
___Steve A -:- Re: Premie Friends -:- Fri, Feb 6, 1998 at 04:29:35 (EST)
___VP -:- Re: Friend -:- Fri, Feb 6, 1998 at 11:04:24 (EST)
___Selena -:- Re: Premie Friends -:- Fri, Feb 6, 1998 at 11:13:04 (EST)
___VP -:- Re: Premie Friends -:- Fri, Feb 6, 1998 at 11:34:27 (EST)
___Selena -:- Re: Premie Friends -:- Fri, Feb 6, 1998 at 13:50:17 (EST)
___Katie -:- Re: Premie Friends -:- Fri, Feb 6, 1998 at 16:01:07 (EST)
___JW -:- Re: Premie Friends -:- Fri, Feb 6, 1998 at 17:28:20 (EST)
___Anon -:- Re: Premie Friends -:- Fri, Feb 6, 1998 at 20:34:20 (EST)
___Steve A -:- Re: Friend -:- Fri, Feb 6, 1998 at 21:46:47 (EST)
Date: Wed, Feb 4, 1998 at 19:04:54 (EST)
Poster: Brian
Email:
To: Everyone
Subject: Archives Comes Alive!
Message:
I put the archives from this morning's reset online. Fast, huh?
Also got Forum 2 Archive 1 online. These are from before the fatefull Crash of '97 which we thought wiped out all the "Welcome to Forum II" stuff. So it's all there for your reading enjoyment.
New Journeys entries: Robyn D'Anna and Alan Fenwick. Alan's went on a week ago, but Robyn's was just sent today.
I keep meaning to open up the Subject box on the new thread form. I'll do it eventually...
Back To Index -:- Top of Index
Date: Wed, Feb 4, 1998 at 18:51:39 (EST)
Poster: JW
Email:
To: Everyone
Subject: Amtext, Inc.
Message:
Here's the prelim on Amtext from the secretary of state:
Amtext, Inc. is a Delaware corporation, incorporated/qualifief just last year on March 17, 1997. As you'd expect, it's a for-profit, stock corporation. In California Amtext does business under the name "Text Mart."
The president is Charles B. Nathan, located at 11900 Biscayne Boulevard, #200, Miami, Florida 33181. (I think I remember Chuck Nathan)
A statement of officers was filed on May 5, 1997 and I have ordered that, I'll let you all know what I find out.
The registered agent in California is Barbara McFarland, 2436 E. Chapman Avenue, Fullerton, California 92631.
I'll be getting more stuff on Amtext/Text Mart shortly.
BTW -- It doesn't appear that Visions International is incorporated.
Back To Index -:- Top of Index
Date: Wed, Feb 4, 1998 at 23:51:26 (EST)
Poster: VP
Email:
To: JW
Subject: Re: Amtext, Inc.
Message:
JW- I'm pretty sure you are right about Visions International not being incorporated. I have a couple of their publications and they never write" Inc." after Visions International.
Back To Index -:- Top of Index
Date: Thurs, Feb 5, 1998 at 01:13:03 (EST)
Poster: Mr Ex
Email:
To: JW
Subject: Re: Amtext, Inc.
Message:
What does the fact that Amtext Inc was only incorporated/qualified last year imply?
Can't you make $ millions without it?
Back To Index -:- Top of Index
Date: Thurs, Feb 5, 1998 at 11:01:55 (EST)
Poster: Mr Ex
Email:
To: Pay a visit to Text Mart!
Subject: Re: Amtext, Inc.
Message:
at
www.quikpage.com/T/textmart
More bucks for your books!
Back To Index -:- Top of Index
Date: Thurs, Feb 5, 1998 at 14:07:39 (EST)
Poster: JW
Email:
To: Mr Ex
Subject: Re: Amtext, Inc.
Message:
What does the fact that Amtext Inc was only incorporated/qualified last year imply?
Can't you make $ millions without it?
Amtext may have been incorporated only last year, or, it might have just begun doing business in California last year, but was incorporated in Delaware earlier.
You don't need to be incorporated to make money, but if you aren't incorporated you are either a sole proprietorship (one person or family owns a business), or a partnership (two or more people agree to own a business jointly).
The problem with not being incorporated is that under U.S. law, you are INDIVIDUALLY liable for whatever the business does (the sole proprietor or any partner that is). Also, the tax laws apply differently. Corporations have some advantages tax-wise that other forms don't have.
JW
Back To Index -:- Top of Index
Date: Thurs, Feb 5, 1998 at 21:18:28 (EST)
Poster: Elan Vital
Email:
To: Mr Ex
Subject: Re: Amtext, Inc.
Message:
Elan Vital Foundation
P.O. Box 2749
CH-6002 Lucerne,
Switzerland
Tel: (+41)41-310 1174
Fax: (+41)41-410 1205
Back To Index -:- Top of Index
Date: Fri, Feb 6, 1998 at 06:23:55 (EST)
Poster: Mr Ex
Email:
To: Elan Vital
Subject: G4 # ? (Re: Amtext, Inc.)
Message:
does anyone know the G4 ID # ?
The big # that's painted on the tail?
and if you've seen the Wadie Sue lately, I'd be delighted to know where it's anchored ....
Back To Index -:- Top of Index
Date: Wed, Feb 4, 1998 at 18:45:58 (EST)
Poster: JW
Email: joger02@aol.com
To: Everyone
Subject: Wahadamar, Inc.
Message:
I believe Mr. Ex said that Wahadamar, Inc. is a company set up to prepare and sell videos. Mr. Ex, is that correct? Can you clarify or add anything additional?
I got some preliminary information from the secretary of state on this corporation as well.
It's a California, for profit, (stock) corporation, incorporated August 3, 1992. Its president is John K. Bale, located at 516 North Pennsfield Place, #108, Thousand Oaks, Califorinia, 91360.
The statement of officers is dated June 30, 1997 and I have ordered that. The registered agent for the company is Alvaro Pascotto, located at 1800 Avenue of the Stars #600, Los Angeles, CA 91358.
The mailing address of the corporation is P.O. Box 1437, Thousand Oaks, California 91358.
I should be getting more information on this company shortly.
Mr. Ex, can you explain again what this company does?
I have also ordered the statement of purpose documents, amendments, etc. Since this is a for-profit corporation, I doubt tax information is available to the public.
JW
Back To Index -:- Top of Index
Date: Thurs, Feb 5, 1998 at 01:09:13 (EST)
Poster: Mr Ex
Email:
To: JW
Subject: Re: Wahadamar, Inc.
Message:
About what Wahadamar Inc. is supposed to do or not is a mystery for me.
I know there is and there was something very wrong about it, that's for sure. What's wrong is related to copyrights.
Because EV Inc is non profit, nobody (specially Mr rawat's family) should get any profit from copyrights.
But some did get profits, maybe still do ...
Alvarro Pascotto is one of those PAM, and 1 of BigM's lawyers.
Back To Index -:- Top of Index
Date: Thurs, Feb 5, 1998 at 01:10:46 (EST)
Poster: Mr Ex
Email:
To: JW
Subject: Re: Wahadamar, Inc.
Message:
what would be extremely interesting is to see if Wahadamar is still running and making profits ....
Back To Index -:- Top of Index
Date: Thurs, Feb 5, 1998 at 14:10:19 (EST)
Poster: JW
Email:
To: Mr Ex
Subject: Re: Wahadamar, Inc.
Message:
what would be extremely interesting is to see if Wahadamar is still running and making profits ....
California lists Wahadamar as an active corporation and a statement of officers was filed on 6/30/97. I'm getting more documents on the company. Whether it's making money or not, I probably cannot determine from public records, unless it's publicly traded, which I's sure it's not.
Back To Index -:- Top of Index
Date: Wed, Feb 4, 1998 at 15:40:50 (EST)
Poster: Selena
Email:
To: Everyone
Subject: Long Beach '97
Message:
Hi
I started reading this site a few days following my return from this years (Dec. 97) Long Beach "event". I returned home depressed and sick of the whole premie/Maharaji thing. It had been a long time coming, I'd been sitting the fence for years. I kept goiing to these things because of the social aspect. Doesn't say much for my social life :)
I was so grateful to have this site to turn to. I had tried to discuss my feelings with a long time supposed friend of 25 years, who has also been a premie that long, as have I. Well, needless to say, she was not the person to talk to, she got very defensive and later, bit my head off.
So much for long term friendships. There's some icons you just can't confront, I guess. But it makes me wonder, if it's so great why can't people handle hearing your doubts or concerns? The whole mess was profoundly upsetting.
Long Beach was weird. This woman next to me was in this totally frantic state, she was doing 'service' and so intense about it. Later I saw her sitting guarding an entrance or something and she had the most unhappy look on her face. The music was the same old stuff we used to hear in the 70's, very obviously directed to M in the form of love songs. Dhya sang some new stuff, she really does have a good voice and strong stage presence. The Videos!! eesh!!
Tape after tape of M walking or smiling or whatever and sappy music and I guess I was supposed to feel some wonderful thing watching him, but I just wanted them to be over.
I actually bought a music tape because I liked Dhya's stuff so much, but almost all of it was old stuff. How's this for brainwashed lyrics:
"And though we try every day, to walk your golden way, only by your grace, by your mercy can we approach you"
Anybody want a tape?, (if I can find it that is).
Am I the only one wondering how his daughter can be so into this?
Re: M and a successor, it's pretty obvious he already has Dhya in mind, his mentioned at least twice abou the master, saying 'him or her" He's never done that before that I recall.
Another weird thing, he gave this intense participation speech, and made this comment "And we don't need the web to do it either, we'll do it the old way like we always have" Did anyone else hear that? Guess you guys are really pissing him off.
I feel like I know all the people posting here. We've been through such a unique set of experiences.. I never could get gooey over the shirtless routine either!
Back To Index -:- Top of Index
Date: Wed, Feb 4, 1998 at 17:10:12 (EST)
Poster: john k.
Email:
To: Selena
Subject: Re: Long Beach '97
Message:
Welcome Selena!
Actually, when I left I felt like I was a stray dog, homeless and hopeless. There was no web page to turn to, not that I would have had the money anyway to get onto it since I was so damn broke.
However, that stray dog feeling did not last long, as I slowly snapped myself back into reality. It is a shock to give up that dream of following whoever you thought M was.
I remember right after I left, I had an intense dream - I was at a huge party, and I really wanted to leave it even though people were having a great time. So finally I get myself away, I am walking away and these huge brightly colored paper balloons appeared in the sky, they were like fragile floating solid shapes of fireworks, and they started exploding and falling out of the sky and crashing. It was so clear to me even in the dream that I was watching my dream of following the perfect master fall out of the sky.
It was an intense dream while it lasted, and it was a relief to have it end.
So people are still having to sit by doors doing security at events. God, that's what I hated doing more than anything. I remember at the Miami Beach Convention center having to guard the backstage area.
First, mr. security chief, the guy in charge of security, would come up and scream in my face, spraying me with his venomous spit, that NO ONE is allowed through, he didn't care who they were, NO ONE should come through.
So that seems pretty clear right?
So he leaves and the first guy that comes up trying to get through looks familiar but I can't place him, so he tries to get by me and I say "Stop, no one is allowed back here." Well, he started screaming in my face, spraying his spit, about what an absolute ass hole I was and everyone in this stupid dlm was an asshole and he wished he could go home and never see any of us again.
So then mr. security chief comes running up again and starts screaming in my face again about why am I trying to stop this guy, he is the electrician at the convention center - they need him to fix something why did I try to stop him, etc.
I remember doing security, quite often feeling like I was in some vaudeville routine, the problem was I was always the guy getting the pie in the face, getting poked in the eye, getting tripped, getting sprayed in the face, etc.
It is amazing to me to think that stuff is still happening. I bet people are still being given inane security assignments, guarding doors and areas that no one wants to get into anyway.
I am trying right now to not be so 'negative'. Because I did have good times doing service, don't get me wrong, but I swear I don't think I ever did doing security, and for a long time that was about all I was ever given to do.
ACtually I am starting to feel nauseous just remembering the miami beach convention center.
Back To Index -:- Top of Index
Date: Wed, Feb 4, 1998 at 18:02:08 (EST)
Poster: JW
Email: Joger02@aol.com
To: john k.
Subject: Re: Long Beach '97
Message:
Welcome Selena!
Actually, when I left I felt like I was a stray dog, homeless and hopeless. There was no web page to turn to, not that I would have had the money anyway to get onto it since I was so damn broke.
However, that stray dog feeling did not last long, as I slowly snapped myself back into reality. It is a shock to give up that dream of following whoever you thought M was.
I remember right after I left, I had an intense dream - I was at a huge party, and I really wanted to leave it even though people were having a great time. So finally I get myself away, I am walking away and these huge brightly colored paper balloons appeared in the sky, they were like fragile floating solid shapes of fireworks, and they started exploding and falling out of the sky and crashing. It was so clear to me even in the dream that I was watching my dream of following the perfect master fall out of the sky.
It was an intense dream while it lasted, and it was a relief to have it end.
So people are still having to sit by doors doing security at events. God, that's what I hated doing more than anything. I remember at the Miami Beach Convention center having to guard the backstage area.
First, mr. security chief, the guy in charge of security, would come up and scream in my face, spraying me with his venomous spit, that NO ONE is allowed through, he didn't care who they were, NO ONE should come through.
So that seems pretty clear right?
So he leaves and the first guy that comes up trying to get through looks familiar but I can't place him, so he tries to get by me and I say 'Stop, no one is allowed back here.' Well, he started screaming in my face, spraying his spit, about what an absolute ass hole I was and everyone in this stupid dlm was an asshole and he wished he could go home and never see any of us again.
So then mr. security chief comes running up again and starts screaming in my face again about why am I trying to stop this guy, he is the electrician at the convention center - they need him to fix something why did I try to stop him, etc.
I remember doing security, quite often feeling like I was in some vaudeville routine, the problem was I was always the guy getting the pie in the face, getting poked in the eye, getting tripped, getting sprayed in the face, etc.
It is amazing to me to think that stuff is still happening. I bet people are still being given inane security assignments, guarding doors and areas that no one wants to get into anyway.
I am trying right now to not be so 'negative'. Because I did have good times doing service, don't get me wrong, but I swear I don't think I ever did doing security, and for a long time that was about all I was ever given to do.
ACtually I am starting to feel nauseous just remembering the miami beach convention center.
John, what you said sounds so familiar. I swear at one point I felt that if I saw the inside of the Miami Beach Convention Center even one more time, I would vomit. I can still feel the clammy air conditioning, see the exposed beams, and smell the smell of the place.
But I began to feel that when the whole trip was losing it's control on me. Even though all the premies would stand on their chairs and dance and cry as Maharaji danced naked from the waist up to syrupy love songs, I felt entirely detached and wanted nothing more than to be out of there. Of course, I was an ashram resident at the time, and I had already invested so much of my life in Maharaji, and he had told me my mind would do this to me and that I shouldn't listen, and I knew I would lose all my friends, and I would have to admit that I was wrong to believe in him (and that I was wrong not to listen to my own better judgment, feelings and values, over the years that told me the same thing (but that I discounted as "doubt" and "mind")), and I had no "life" even to go back to at that point, and I was scared that he might really be the perfect master/god incarnate and I might miss the chance to be part of what the lord was doing on earth, and all those things pushed me to just hang on, discount what I felt, and go on tacitly being a premie. But something happened and I just couldn't anymore. I couldn't lie to myself anymore. I couldn't pretend not to see what I saw and feel what I felt. And once you do that, it all unravels pretty quickly.
And when I left, I was alone, kind of scared, and had a mixture of anger, depression and sadness. But I was also really excited to have my life back. And it got so much better very quickly. And then it bacame hard to imagine how I had ever been involved in anything like that. I did go to an ex-members group, I had a couple of friends who left the cult around the time I did, like Joy, whom I could talk to honestly, and I did some psychotherapy. All of that helped. And then, of course, I worked real hard trying to rebuild my life due to the years I had wasted in the ashram, and that became the focus of my attention.
And like Selena said, once you start to talk about it, it gets a whole lot better, although most premies are scared to talk about it, and if they do, they respond emotionally and attack YOU, rather cult-trip itself. That's to be expected, I think because they know on some level how shallow what they are in really is and any analysis of it is deadly. They will protect it from question vehemently, at least some will.
One story comes to mind. In 1981, Maharaji came to Berkeley and was to speak at Zellerbach Auditorium on the UC campus. I was in charge of security, but David Smith was running around trying to see that things happened the way Maharaji wanted. Anyhow, the premies came into the hall, but it was part of the contract with the university, that college students had to man the door taking tickets.
The program was supposed to begin at 8:00, but as usual, and like most all events, it was almost 8 and there was still a big line of premies picking up tickets and coming into the hall. Well, apparently, Maharaji was back stage bitching that the program wasn't starting on time, and David Smith was running around totally uptight and paranoid saying that the program ABSOLUTELY had to begin at 8, or the world would come to an end or something. The college students just looked at him like he was completely insane, which he was. They just couldn't fathom how something that was supposed to be so wonderful manifested in people who were so incredibly uptight, rude, apparently miserable, and quite literally frantic. I kind of saw the whole thing through their eyes and was amazed, and also realized I appeared much the same way.
In addition, I had invited a friend to come to the program, and I saw the actual program through her eyes too. M came out, said a few simplistic platitudes and left. My friend was underwhelmed, and I felt embarrassed at how inane he sounded. She and I never even talked about the program or what M said until some about a year later.
Selena, trust your feelings. Be true to yourself. And give yourself as much time as you need. There are plently of ex-premies around (thousands, in fact) who understand what you're feeling.
JW
Back To Index -:- Top of Index
Date: Wed, Feb 4, 1998 at 19:16:49 (EST)
Poster: anoney
Email:
To: JW
Subject: Re: Long Beach '97
Message:
In Canada Elan Vital issues tax receipts for donations made.
Back To Index -:- Top of Index
Date: Wed, Feb 4, 1998 at 19:33:09 (EST)
Poster: Brian
Email:
To: Selena
Subject: Re: Long Beach '97
Message:
Welcome, Selena. Your descriptions of the programs that I don't attend anymore bring back all those old memories of being disappointed by the "great event" that always seemed to loom somewhere in the future. From Montrose to Long Beach, it's the same format. MJ sits up there, and premies gather below convincing themselves that it was worth the trip, cost, loss of work, etc.
It's sad what happens to Child Stars when they get older. Of course, MJ has his possessions to keep him company.
When I first got involved, we used to sit around the carpeted floor of the satsang room and share our selves with each other. When MJ is around, people all face the same way, looking up to the guy on the stage. There is no sense of community, just an audience at a bad show.
It's too bad he never knew what it is to sit with people as equals. He'll probably die as lonely as he must live. Everyone wants to be near him, nobody really wants to get close.
Back To Index -:- Top of Index
Date: Wed, Feb 4, 1998 at 19:45:04 (EST)
Poster: JW
Email: joger02@aol.com
To: anoney
Subject: Re: Long Beach '97
Message:
In Canada Elan Vital issues tax receipts for donations made.
I assume this means you can deduct the donations from your income taxes in Canada. Correct?
Thanks. This is very important information.
Back To Index -:- Top of Index
Date: Wed, Feb 4, 1998 at 20:44:25 (EST)
Poster: Sir David
Email: djulian@cix.compulink.co.uk
To: Selena & everyone
Subject: The big cheese (Re: Long Beach '97)
Message:
It's the summer of '78 and Maharaji is due to turn up at a program in a reconverted old cinema we spent weeks reburbishing in London. I am planting flowers to adorn the path that the Lord will walk as he approaches the back entrance. Suddenly a security premie in a dark suit taps my shoulder and tells me that he's got some very, very important service for me to do.
I follow him excitedly into the back stage area where Maharaji will wait before coming on stage. He points to a fridge. Guard that fridge and don't let ANYONE go near it or open it. I humbly nod acknowledgement and sit alone in this back stage room, staring at the fridge and willing to give my life to guard its contents.
The hours pass and people say that it's Maharaji's lila that he hasn't turned up for the program. I sit hopefully, expecting Maharaji and Marilyn to come bursting through the door to my backstage room, at any moment. I had rehearsed a half pranam during my long solitude backstage and was like a 100 metre runner at the blocks in preperation for the coming of the Lord. I figured a half pranam would be more to his liking since he was probably tired of premies throwing themselves on the floor all over the place.
After much more solitary waiting and preperation I was told late in the evening that Maharaji was not coming to give us satsang after all but this was his lila. I stood up and turned to leave the backstage area. Since I was alone again I turned back to the fridge and opened the door to see what I had been guarding all afternoon and evening. It was completely empty except for a neatly wrapped piece of Cheddar cheese.
Back To Index -:- Top of Index
Date: Wed, Feb 4, 1998 at 22:13:25 (EST)
Poster: Sir David
Email: djulian@cix.compulink.co.uk
To: JW
Subject: Re: Long Beach '97
Message:
David Smith insane!? How could you think such a thing. This was the guy who's main subject in satsang was his arm. He would talk about his arm and how it didn't seem to belong to him. "What is that arm, does anybody want it?"
Profound stuff.
Regarding Maharaji's bare chested antics. I remember Ira Woods saying how he couldn't imagine how anybody could not find Maharaji dressed in his mala, as totally appealing. I didn't hear what he said after that since I had to make my excuses and leave quickly to throw up in the men's room.
Back To Index -:- Top of Index
Date: Wed, Feb 4, 1998 at 23:16:22 (EST)
Poster: JW
Email:
To: Sir David
Subject: Re: Long Beach '97
Message:
David Smith insane!? How could you think such a thing. This was the guy who's main subject in satsang was his arm. He would talk about his arm and how it didn't seem to belong to him. 'What is that arm, does anybody want it?'
Profound stuff.
Regarding Maharaji's bare chested antics. I remember Ira Woods saying how he couldn't imagine how anybody could not find Maharaji dressed in his mala, as totally appealing. I didn't hear what he said after that since I had to make my excuses and leave quickly to throw up in the men's room.
Yes, David Smith was insane, probably still is. I recall someone telling me that when Smith went to Ireland, he was being driven out on the Dingle Peninsula. He closed his eyes, because the scenery was so beautiful that he was afraid it would distract him from remembering Guru Maharaj Ji. Sounds pretty insane to me, but at the time, many premies would find bizarre behaviour like that "inspiring." Smith was pretty benign unless he had actual power over people, then he could be pretty much a nazi if he wanted to be. Also he was pretty obnoxious and used his supposed total dedication to the lord of the universe as an excuse.
Yes, the bare-chested stuff I just couldn't really fathom. I know I was supposed to find it exiting or something, but I think he just looked gross. I mean he was so fat and lacked anything approaching muscle definition. And he had BREASTS, BREASTS that shook and bounced as he danced, and I just couldn't get beyond that. And then people would swoon about it during his "dance" and afterwards. I, of course, felt guilty and blamed myself for being so revolted by his antics and the way he looked.
JW
Back To Index -:- Top of Index
Date: Wed, Feb 4, 1998 at 23:34:27 (EST)
Poster: VP
Email:
To: Sir David
Subject: Re: The big cheese (Re: Long Beach '97)
Message:
It's the summer of '78 and Maharaji is due to turn up at a program in a reconverted old cinema we spent weeks reburbishing in London. I am planting flowers to adorn the path that the Lord will walk as he approaches the back entrance. Suddenly a security premie in a dark suit taps my shoulder and tells me that he's got some very, very important service for me to do.
I follow him excitedly into the back stage area where Maharaji will wait before coming on stage. He points to a fridge. Guard that fridge and don't let ANYONE go near it or open it. I humbly nod acknowledgement and sit alone in this back stage room, staring at the fridge and willing to give my life to guard its contents.
The hours pass and people say that it's Maharaji's lila that he hasn't turned up for the program. I sit hopefully, expecting Maharaji and Marilyn to come bursting through the door to my backstage room, at any moment. I had rehearsed a half pranam during my long solitude backstage and was like a 100 metre runner at the blocks in preperation for the coming of the Lord. I figured a half pranam would be more to his liking since he was probably tired of premies throwing themselves on the floor all over the place.
After much more solitary waiting and preperation I was told late in the evening that Maharaji was not coming to give us satsang after all but this was his lila. I stood up and turned to leave the backstage area. Since I was alone again I turned back to the fridge and opened the door to see what I had been guarding all afternoon and evening. It was completely empty except for a neatly wrapped piece of Cheddar cheese.
Ohmigosh! I hope you won't be mad, but I just laughed about that cheese so hard that I wet my pants. It's sad and pathetic and abusive that someone would do that to you, but the way that you wrote it just hit my funnybone. What is "lila'? I never heard that term.
Back To Index -:- Top of Index
Date: Thurs, Feb 5, 1998 at 01:30:50 (EST)
Poster: Katie
Email: petkat@mail.trib.net
To: Sir David
Subject: Re: The big cheese (Re: Long Beach '97)
Message:
David, your story made me laugh so hard, but it's so TRUE, too!
I did "security" service for the WPC (remember them) at Millenium in 1973, and I had to guard a door in the Astrodome, just like John K. I don't know why they just didn't lock the door, or whatever. I am not a big person, and I was not going to be able to stop anyone from going through a door if they wanted to, although I think I was able to talk everyone out of it. ("Brother, Guru Maharaji doesn't want you to go through that door." and so forth). Anyway, I could relate to Selena's story of the woman who was doing service sitting in front of a door with a depressed look on her face. That was me. Yuck!
P.S. To Selena - I have never heard any of Daya's songs, but yes, I think it's a little weird that she sings devotional and love songs to her father. I know he's Maharaji the regular guy, as well as Maharaji the satguru, but it seems to me that making a distinction like that would be hard for a teenage girl.
Back To Index -:- Top of Index
Date: Thurs, Feb 5, 1998 at 04:05:59 (EST)
Poster: David
Email:
To: all
Subject: Smith stuff! (Re: Long Beach '97)
Message:
DAVID SMITH
David Smith is one of the few premies MJ trusts to carry out his wishes. He stayed with us when he was on tour in North America a few years ago. He had one video he showed in every city...over and over again and he said that is all he had watched for weeks. He was completely blissed out as he described how you can't hear this any where else and that no matter how many times he watched it it was new. Kinda a cute way to control the mind of an instructor eh. That is why blissed out (altered states ) doesn't turn me on anymore. I love clarity and feeling alive without that drug-like silly smirk type intoxication. But hey, that's my opinion. Bye the way, I was thoroughly blissed out by his stay with us...it was wonderful to have someone I could really relate to. He and I got along great. Needless to say that now I doubt he'd return my calls as promptly as he used to.
*
He was truly one of the most mentally sick puppies I ever met in DLM. I hope he got professional help for that. F. Adams?
*
David Smith was in Boston last weekend fund raising
*
While we're on the subject of Mr David Smith. I first encountered him in 1975 in Hollywood.
He was by then already showing signs (as goodie-goodie-sexless-gangly-nerd but-all-American-lovable-quaintly jokey-drippingly-sincere- nevertheless-frighteningly -tow-the-line and capable of heavy satsang person) of being ideally suited for the job of recruiting unwitting and wide-eyed premies for Maharaji's more hard-line, and sinisterly misguided 'Pied-piper' aspirations.
Later (1977-78?) I was personally and privately interviewed by him (after his promotion to Chief Officer for Ashram recruitment) in order to qualify for becoming a Kosher Ashram premie.
Thus the guy has some part in my history of incarceration in various of the 'residencies for the forlorn' that Maharaji had established across many towns and nations.
Smith may now be living in S.America under an assumed name but when the War Crimes Commission catch up with him and the rest of 'em (me included I'm afraid) he is certain to be given the Maximum sentence for having been one of Maharaji's most successful and enduring henchmen.
*
Thank you, I know it was not just me. In addition to the 'henchmen' label, which fits, it appeared to many of us that Smith had a strong sadistic streak in him that could show itself on the especially vulnerable ( i.e. those under his control, the most vulnerable of the ashram premies, especially during his great ashram inquisition in 1981 when Maharaj Ji apparently told him to 'clean up the ashrams.')
This was troubling to me, especially when he told me that he truly believed that he was completely controlled by Guru Maharaj Ji and that anything that came into his head he should just do because it was divinely inspired (YIKES!). Even the other initiators used to comment that he needed professional psychiatric help.
I saw in him what appeared to me to be a true delight in hurting people (at least psychologically). He also wreaked of uptightness, fear and paranoia, while at the same time talking about how beautiful the experience was. I told him that once too, and also that he needed psychiatric help for a sadistic streak. Incredibly, he just looked at me with those doe eyes and looked hurt.
He just couldn't understand why I had a problem with his behaviour when he was just an empty vessel of the lord of the universe. I guess I should credit him in some way. His gross inhumanity in the name of Maharaj Ji was probably the last straw that got me out of the cult for good. What is weird though, is that when he wasn't in a position of power, I kind of liked the guy, who came across as this sort of 'gee-whiz' all-american ordinary premie who just wanted to play tennis all the time and hadn't a clue what was going on. I do hope he got some psychiatric help.
*
David Smith is dangerously mentally ill and should be immediately institutionalized for the protection of himself and the world
*
As for 'pressured to leave your family' - this is what really does set me off. Pressured by WHOM?
David Smith for one! He had MJ's blessings didn't he??
*
One more postscript: The brother I lived in the ashram with, the one who stayed until the end and then got AIDs and died, he was a very sweet and trusting guy and he was someone that David Smith absolutely terrorised during his ashram inquisition. Just thought I would trow that in while we're on the subject. David Smith, you are a real asshole, and GMJ you are a real asshole for putting psychotic people charge of innocent, trusting devotees who had the big misfortune of loving you more than you ever deserved! I just need to say that. Now I feel better and I'm ready for that second cup of coffee.
*
When David Smith was here he let me know MJ was looking for a steward (for the plane) and suggested I write him. My son was 12 at the time and David said that my husband could look after him. I was keen but...as other times I nearly went (once when my son was 9 too ) I didn't but I wanted to.
*
He may be stupid and he is definitely a premie, but I very much doubt many premies, stupid or smart, would have been able to do what he has done in the service of Guru Maharaj Ji. That is because, despite years of indoctrination and programming, in my experience, most premies actually retained a certain level of human values and decency.
What I saw David Smith do to some ashram premies indicated to me that he was capable of ignoring all human decency and of inflicting a level of psychological abuse at a level I doubt many others premies would have been able to reach, even in the service of the Lord.
*
Regarding David Smith. I know I have said some negative things about him and I haven't even seen him in 13 years so I have no idea what he is like now. I'm sure he has gray hair now and maybe he has mellowed. I hope he has gotten some counselling. As I have also said before, when he didn't have control over other peoples'lives, I really kind of liked the guy. I recall in one community where I was community coordinator and he came for a few weeks as an initiator, all he did was want me to find him tennis partners so he could play tennis. His satsang was also often self-deprecating, which I appreciated. But that changed when GMJ gave him power.
I would just say that I never met anyone who was so fanatic and rigid about his service to god which I'm sure he still considers Guru Maharaj Ji to be. The other factor that makes him dangerous is a sadistic streak that I and others personally saw and I actually at one time confronted him about it.
Anyway, at least at one time he also believed, and stated, that god (Guru Maharaj Ji) was controlling his every action such that anything that came into his head he was supposed to do. That, along with the fanatic rigidity and sadistic streak, was a dangerous combination for people who were vulnerable to his control.
Anyway, in 1981, Mr. Smith was in charge of the western region of the U.S. for GMJ, including all the initiators, ashrams, businesses and communities. In one of his meetings with Guru Maharaj Ji, apparently GMJ was really pisssed off about the ashrams and gave the order to clean up the ashrams. I don't know if Maharaj Ji ever said what that was supposed to entail, and in other regions it happened quite differently, but Mr. Smith, because he believed that whatever came into his head was god talking, decided to use the community I was living in as his first target and went on a rampage that would put the Spanish Inquisition to shame. To him, his orders meant scaring and terrorizing and ashram premies with a lot of psychological abuse, getting ashram premies to rat on each other about who might or might not have a special friend (not allowed), who might be doing terrible things like reading books (not allowed), have a job in the world that he or she was too into (not allowed) having too many possessions (he actually went through the ashram premies' closets and threw away clothes if he thought somebody had too many), didn't behave correctly (he told one premie who had some psychological problems that he was a robot and had to change while at the same time terrifying him into being more of a robot than he ever was before). He had these interrogation meetings with individuals and groups that were terribly disrespectful and abusive. He gave satsang to the ashrams in which he used fuck and other abusive language that I had never heard in satsang before. It was unbelievable heavy and devoid of anything but fear. It was also clear that there was no correct way to be.
Whatever you did made you open to his attack, his actions and statements could be completely contradictory, because, apparently, attacking was his purpose. It was also clear to me and others that David really ENJOYED the pain he was causing. He really ENJOYED abusing people. That was the terrifying part to me. It was abusive because he always held over the premies head that he would throw them out of the ashram, or send them to some remote community if they didn't conform to some idea he had in his head about the way you were supposed to be. Superimpose this on the many ashram satsangs we had attended with GMJ in which he said that moving out of the ashram was the absolutely worst thing you could do and basically that it was more or less required for total dedication, which was also required. I think the premies also mostly believed and had faith in GMJ's hierarchy that the GMJ was in control and would protect them. Also, by and large, these were not spaced out ashram premies. They lived by the schedule, did S,S & M (funny sound to that) every day and did what they were told. Maharaj Ji was absolutely everything to them.
Even some of the initiators said Smith needed professional psychiatric help. He also, when confronted, admitted to me that he had one beaten up some girl when he was younger, almost admitting the abusive streak in him. Anyway, I saw some of the people I had lived with for a long time completely change from being fairly open, happy people to being sullen and depressed. A few of them opened up to me somewhat and talked about how terrible they felt, and the terrible fear that they didn't measure up again, blaming themselves for being worthless slugs because obviously this was all part of GMJ's plan. I think it was the feeling of wanting to get out of the concentration camp Mr. Smith was running, while at the same time your devotion to GMJ kept you there. It was a terrible, claustrophobic, imprisoned feeling. And it shook my faith in GMJ to the core. There was absolutely no love in what he did. There was absolutely no human compassion for people as individuals. All he saw was the marching orders from GMJ and his interpretation of them. It smelled of paranoia and fear. And he was basically a big jerk.
You also have to also understand that the ashram premies were especially vulnerable to this type of abuse. They were mostly pretty simple types, without a lot going for them, and they literally had NOTHING besides their dedication to GMJ and trying to be more surrendered. So, here comes Mr David Smith with the sensitivity of a Mack Truck to clean up whatever it was they were doing. I don't think I ever saw anything quite like it in DLM, even among the more insane Mahatmas.
I think the reaction was so negative to what he did, however, that I don't think he tried it anywhere else on a grand scale. Although I've heard stories about how he attacked individuals. I, at least, made sure what he did was well known outside the region, and I know others confronted him about it. Anyway, about a year later Mr. Smith came back to our fair community and sort of apologized to the ashram residents for what he did, but, when confronted, he used the old premie line that it was what was necessary and all perfect and it needed to happen. So, he basically spoke out of both sides of his mouth. I could never stand the sight of the guy after that.
*
Christ yes I remember him (David Smith) that way . I also remember Anne Johnson and even Guru Charananad (that great Saint who was also by the way hypocritically screwing a young blonde at the time) basically spreading Maharaji's heavy sentences to all and sundry. The stupid fuckers. You know who was behind it all don't you.
*
I think the Guru Charanand stuff was pretty common knowledge in the early 80s. I actually talked to someone who had sex with him. Can you give me David Smith's phone number? Maybe he'll answer my calls, but I'm sure he's busy.
*
I've been trying to phone David Smith fro a few weeks now and all I get's his machine. When Maharaji finally answers my letter, one of the first things I'm going ask him is if he can arrange an interview for me with David Smith.
*
Did you read my post responding to your request regarding David Smith under your what you are looking for thread? Does any of it resonate at all? Frankly, I still hold GMJ responsible for setting up the system where that kind of abuse was possible by sick people and also because GMJ kept such a hands off approach to his devotees, such that he would rather not know anything about them.
*
- I just read your post about S.S. oh I mean D.S. My god you must have wondered why I never responded. If you hadn't told me it was there I wouldn't have known 'cause somehow I missed it???? It literally made me feel ill. I mean I had him in my home, I washed his underwear for god's sake!
I felt livid realizing I was just like Hitler's secretary in being naive to what he'd done in his past. This morning I asked X to give me back David's phone number ( I had destroyed it) 'cause I thought I'd call and get PR answers to some of our questions. Now I don't know if I can.
I understand your hatred for the man. God! I'm floored once more. And to think MJ handpicked him to be one of the few instructors left to represent him? I destroyed a photo of David I had of his visit here ( cuddling with one of my cats) I felt I didn't want it around but I certainly didn't have the aversion I would have had if I knew what he had done.
Obviously MJ raked him good over the coals and the new smiley face version was not heavy at all. Stiff and fairly self-righteous but I only saw his devotion at the time.
*
I didn't mean to scare you about Smith, but I would be careful if you have any dealings with him. Also, I believe people do change, so maybe he has; at least I hope so. I guess I have some of the same questions for him that I have for GMJ. What does he think about what he did back then? Since he doesn't appear to have any direct control over people's lives anymore, he might be harmless, but boy, I would sure be wary. And there are one or two things I would enjoy saying to his face, to tell you the truth.
I also remember something else. David actually carried around a little black book in which he kept notes about the ashram premies. I secretly got it once and read some of it when he wasn't looking. God, was that scary. I think he really considered me a subversive individual because I talked back to him and he said so in his little book. He also kept notes on who might be deviating a little from the straight and narrow, like who had a special friend or not, who failed to pick up the sword of service (actual quote that I still remember), who, like me, was a little too worldly; what was also weird is that he got premies to talk about other premies and a lot of people really identified with him and actually kissed his ass, basically. I think it was that phenomenon in which hostages and prisoners begin to identify with and emulate their captors. I think that was what was going on there. What was also weird was that it was only about two years later that the ashrams were shut down completely.
One thing I have to thank David Smith for, however. His gross inhumanity and abusive behavior was kind of the last straw that got me out of the cult. I hung around for about 2 more years, but that really destroyed my faith for good.
*
Does Smith get a salary from GMJ? I can't help but think that the lot of the reason GMJ got rid of initiators was financial. If they had to be supported it would leave less money for planes and expensive cars. Are any of the initiators married? Are they supposed to be celibate?
I also know one guy who I lived in the ashram with that I talked to a few years ago. He told me that both he and his wife were instructors but that David Smith fired him but not his wife and that his marriage was on the rocks because his wife (whom I also knew) was more into the instructor inner circle and cared more about that than about him or their marriage. He was really upset about it. Ironically, he was one of the guys in the ashram that Smith had terrorized years before. All I could say was how could he continue to be a part of all that and continue to take shit from David Smith, whom he hates, and didn't he have ANY self respect? And do you know what he said? He said he still trusted that GMJ was in control of his life and knew what was best for him and hence he had to take what was dished out. Can you believe the drivel? That was just a few years ago.
*
So David Smith called me today.
I was back for a pit stop between court appearances and there he was. As I remembered him quiet, flat, polite, quiet, ...did I say flat? All right. I told him that I d called because I wanted to know how I we could get some sort of audience with Maharaji. I explained that a number of ex-premies have started talking about Maharaji on this page and that I, for one, would love to finally get some answers from Maharaji. He told me that he d heard of the page.
Someone had faxed him a few pages. No he didnt t know that he was mentioned here. No, he's not really interested in checking it out. He doesn't t have the facility to in any event. (I invited him to my place one day and we can surf together!) I told him that I felt Maharaji was accountable for all the God in human form, saviour of mankind, Lord stuff, not to mention his declaration to bring peace to the world. He told me that that wasn't t how he related to Maharaji. I asked him if it ever was. He admitted that he used to. I asked him when he stopped. He had no answer. I asked him if he thought Maharaji should answer for various statements. I told him, about people like my friend Dave Wiener (the guy who hung himself in 74). I reminded him about all the rest of us who simply trusted Maharaji and took him at face value. He told me he didnt t relate to Maharaji like that. I asked him if, on a basic human level, he thought Maharaji owed us an explanation. He wouldn't t say.
He suggested I try to reach Maharaji. I asked how. He said write. I said I did. What s more, I knew a bunch of people who wrote long, respectful registered letters who never got answers. He suggested that if that happened there was more I could do. I asked what. He said I could write another letter. I asked him what I should do if Maharaji didnt t answer any of them. He said there was more I could do. I asked what.He said I could write another letter. I asked him what one plus one equalled. I asked him if he remembered me. He didnt t. I asked him if he remembered X, the former contact person in Regina. He didnt t at first but then did a bit. She and her husband Doug I told him that a bunch of people had recently vilified him personally on the web site and that he should check it out. He declined.
I told him he had a responsibility in my opinion to act as a two-way, not just one-way, communication channel for Maharaji. He didnt t agree. I asked him if he could give me Maharaji s phone number. He said he didnt t have it. I asked him if he d like to talk with me again. He said yes, sometime after he gets back from overseas somewhere, sometime in July. I said goodbye. So did he.
*
X asked me to elaborate on my discussion with David Smith. First, he did NOT sound like he'd had a lobotomy. His diction was okay and ...well, how does someone sound when they've been lobotomized? I mean he was flat, impervious to reason and unexcitable. But I didn't hear any hospital sounds and don't they always institutionalize those guys? Hell, I don't know.
Anyway, did I say he was flat? Yes, but how flat, you ask. Oh my god! Two hands on temples (perhaps unconsciously protecting my own frontal lobes). Oh my god!
He had the curiosity of a bic pen. No, I want to be fair. Make that a cordless phone. I told him he was being villified for all the world to see right on this web site. That didn't phase him. He had no interest in checking this mess out. Such is the grace.
He told me he couldn't pass along a message to M. It wasn't his place. He knew his place and that wasn't it. He kept telling me to write him. I kept asking what if M didn't answer. He kept saying write another letter. (At one point I remember feeling grateful that I wasn't paying for this call). His interest in my end goal -- of establishing some communication with M -- was 'well-controlled' to say the least. To that end, did I say he was flat?
Mr. Smtih, unlike Y, told no funnies. After all, what could be funny? Funnies are when M tells a joke. Those are funnies. I felt he was saving himself.
Mr. Smith was as warm as roadkill and NOT the furry kind. He was as cordial as a rotten mango. (Know what a mango tastes like? Don't answer -- that's the first question they use to get you into cults. Stay away from all Mango talk!)
Mr. Smith reminded me of ...... I felt that he was already screwing up his barogon as we got off the phone. I can't wait for his fiftieth birthday party. We're all invited and I hear it's going to be something else. Cake, cookies (right,?) and you name it. Songs. Soda water. You can wear a tie, you can NOT wear a tie. Your call. We're talking PARTY!!
*
I got in trouble with David Smith for having this non-premie as a friend that I actually did non-cult things with, which was not allowed.
*
M wouldn't want to own my old car, nor would he want to wear David Smith's torn underwear, (trust me, I washed them, and he was in dire need of a new wardrobe)
*
In 1974, after three years in the ashram, I was transferred to the Boston ashram.I believe David Smith was the 'general secretary' at the time. I couldn't believe how rigid and uptight he was, and as a result, everyone else. It was like a prison. Perhaps I should be grateful, it motivated me to move out.
*
It's also truly amazing that Smith has been a DLM/Elan Vital stalwart since 1974 or before and that's 23 years. When was the last time he had a real job in the real world? When was the last time he had an intimate relationship with another human being? When was the last time he had an independent thought? Given his level of emersion in the cult as well as the long time periods involved, I'm surprised he has even the flat personality left that Jim described.
Back To Index -:- Top of Index
Date: Thurs, Feb 5, 1998 at 08:17:44 (EST)
Poster: Sir David
Email: djulian@cix.compulink.co.uk
To: VP & Katie
Subject: Re: The big cheese (Re: Long Beach '97)
Message:
Glad you found my story amusing. I did intend to illustrate how sad and ridiculious was the situation, so don't apologise VP.
The word "lila" is a Hindu term and it means the divine play of God. What people don't realise is that Maharaji has just westernised the Hindu religion. Premies are practising a Hindu faith. Soon I will send a post which clearly explains how steeped in the Hindu religion the whole Maharaji thing is.
Back To Index -:- Top of Index
Date: Thurs, Feb 5, 1998 at 09:55:38 (EST)
Poster: VP
Email:
To: Sir David
Subject: Re: The big cheese (Re: Long Beach '97)
Message:
Thanks for that definition. Hindu is one religion that I don't know a whole lot about, so that post would be fascinating. Looking forward to it. ( Off topic, I used to work with a fellow here in the States named David Julian)
Back To Index -:- Top of Index
Date: Thurs, Feb 5, 1998 at 10:09:24 (EST)
Poster: Katie
Email: petkat@mail.trib.net
To: VP
Subject: Re: Glossary (Re: Long Beach '97)
Message:
Dear VP and others,
For everyone's info, Brian and I have written a glossary of premie terms, which is available (I think) from the main site menu. (I know you can get to it off the home page.) "Lila" is included, for example.
P.S. If anyone finds any glaring omissions or inaccuracies, please let us know.
Back To Index -:- Top of Index
Date: Thurs, Feb 5, 1998 at 11:06:58 (EST)
Poster: Sir David
Email: djulian@cix.compulink.co.uk
To: VP
Subject: Re: The big cheese (Re: Long Beach '97)
Message:
Actually, my full name is David Simpkiss. I use the Julian because I was called that name before I was adopted. My natural mother called me Julian. That answers your question too, Katie.
The techniques of meditation are a Hindu thing although the breath meditation is a universal meditation technique practised by non religious people everywhere.
I don't agree with Hinduism, nor any religion for that matter but having studied Hinduism I can see that Maharaji's whole thing is based on it. That's not surprising considering he is the product of a high caste Hindu family who had a satguru as the father.
There are many satgurus in India. More on that later. I guess my understanding of God has been profoundly affected by people's near death experiences which I consider a glimpse at a bigger picture.
One thing these have shown me is that God is unconditional love. Also we are supposed to be on the earth with all of the "wordly" experiences and relationships etc. That contrasts with what the Hindus believe with their detatchment stuff. More later.
Back To Index -:- Top of Index
Date: Thurs, Feb 5, 1998 at 11:07:50 (EST)
Poster: Rick
Email: rtaraday@hotmail.com
To: David
Subject: Re: Smith stuff! (Re: Long Beach '97)
Message:
I had a little contact with David Smith in the late seventies. He was a flaming jerk. But for me the wicked one was Jagdeo; who laughed sadistically at me when I resisted moving in the ashram. He said, "Your wife doesn't even care about you, ha, ha, ha, ha." What a pathetic piece of work.
Back To Index -:- Top of Index
Date: Thurs, Feb 5, 1998 at 13:07:56 (EST)
Poster: VP
Email:
To: Katie
Subject: Re: Glossary (Re: Long Beach '97)
Message:
Dear VP and others,
For everyone's info, Brian and I have written a glossary of premie terms, which is available (I think) from the main site menu. (I know you can get to it off the home page.) 'Lila' is included, for example.
P.S. If anyone finds any glaring omissions or inaccuracies, please let us know.
If I had only read the manual...That glossary is great, how did I miss that Lila word in there? In reality Lila sounds like an excuse for GMJ to do whatever he wants without having to answer to anyone. It sounds like another premie rationalization to me.
Back To Index -:- Top of Index
Date: Thurs, Feb 5, 1998 at 13:49:19 (EST)
Poster: JW
Email:
To: VP
Subject: Re: Glossary (Re: Long Beach '97)
Message:
In reality Lila sounds like an excuse for GMJ to do whatever he wants without having to answer to anyone. It sounds like another premie rationalization to me.
VP, you are very smart and you have that exactly right! Couldn't have said it better myself. That's exactly the way it is used by Maharaji and premies. Note that I heard Daya sings a song to Maharaji in which she sings: "he is lila, lila and his game has just begun." So, lila is still very much part of the cult ideology.
JW
Back To Index -:- Top of Index
Date: Thurs, Feb 5, 1998 at 14:55:21 (EST)
Poster: selena
Email:
To: everyone
Subject: Re: The big cheese (Re: Long Beach '97)
Message:
Thanks everyone!! It is so good to be able to laugh. The cheese story did the trick, and just like Katie, the fact that stuff like that really happens makes it even funnier.
Just like guarding doors noone cares about. One time they wouldn't let me out of the hall in Tucson, these 2 guys blocked the exit and said it was M's wish that no one leave the building. That was back when they had people babbling on stage all day. I actually got pushed back, albiet gently, but pushed nonetheless. I said "sc#@w you," and went out anyway, as I was being told, "go ahead, but it's on your shoulders that you went against Maharaji's wishes!" I honestly thought I would be hit by lightening or something for disobeying god.
Don't ask me why I have been going to theses things up til now, usually about one a year. It's partly due to a friendhsip that had a strong influence over me. All I can say is, I have finally finally had enough. YES!!!
Back To Index -:- Top of Index
Date: Thurs, Feb 5, 1998 at 15:29:56 (EST)
Poster: VP
Email:
To: JW
Subject: Re: Lila (Re: Long Beach '97)
Message:
In reality Lila sounds like an excuse for GMJ to do whatever he wants without having to answer to anyone. It sounds like another premie rationalization to me.
VP, you are very smart and you have that exactly right! Couldn't have said it better myself. That's exactly the way it is used by Maharaji and premies. Note that I heard Daya sings a song to Maharaji in which she sings: 'he is lila, lila and his game has just begun.' So, lila is still very much part of the cult ideology.
JW
JW, Thank you for the compliment. From someone as smart as you are, that means a lot to me. Also, those are some sick lyrics.
Once there was a real estate agent who wanted to show a home that I was selling. He had been there with these clients before and they liked it and were trying to make up their minds. A second showing is really important because people go over the house with a fine- toothed comb.
To make a long story short, I worked so hard to get my home ready to show. Everything was perfectly clean and I had baked something in the oven to make the place smell good. The fireplace was going, candles lit, etc. I took my family out in the winter cold in the car for the entire day. The agent never showed, nor did he have the common courtesy to call and say that he was sorry to cancel the appt.
It seems to me that GMJ or PAM get all of the premies in the ashram or a program or an initiation or where ever worked up thinking that he is coming. They get all prepared and then he doesn't show up. I remember being in an ashram once and this was happening. M WAS COMING! He never showed and I thought everyone in there was going into heavy depression once they heard. They had gotten all of these flowers ready and made this incredible shrine...
To make matters worse, he didn't even call to say that he wasn't coming, nor did he give an explanation or an apology. There were some rumors that PAM used to call the ashrams and lie about M coming just to whip everyone and everything into shape. He really never had any intentions of showing up in the first place. I think that sometimes though, he probably just changed his mind on a whim and didn't have a good excuse.
Of course, I am sure that being let down by the Perfect Master is a lot more heartwrenching that being let down by a real estate agent. I hope that you ex-premies don't think that when I tell a story like this (or like the Great Pumpkin post) that I am making fun of you or minimizing your pain or experience. I am just trying to get and maybe give a little perspective.
Back To Index -:- Top of Index
Date: Thurs, Feb 5, 1998 at 15:46:07 (EST)
Poster: Selena
Email:
To: everyone
Subject: Re: Long Beach '97
Message:
I am still getting used to how threading works on here, so please excuse my extra postings, if they even show up.
It was so refreshing to get all your responses. Really funny too. I wish the premies I know could have the same sense of humor about their "God".
The festivals/programs/events really haven't changed much over the years it seems. Once you get behind the rather thin new veneer that it's only a teaching of meditation then you start to see it's pretty much the same. Instead of standing on chairs and yelling bole shri they applaud. Instead of wearing cute hippie, Indian clothes they wear chic yuppie designer clothes. but so what?
Another eerie thing for me in Long Beach was the last night when the band played an instrumental Arti. here and there in the hall you could hear soft quiet whispering of the lyrics. I don't know why but I got the feeling it was like people want to show devotion the way they used to and it's all starting up again, when I had hoped that it really was focusing on the meditation and internal experience and not on the big M anymore. oh well, I am glad I saw it they was i did. And thanks again for your support. Maybe some day I can accept the way premies feel about M but I am not there yet, and not sure that I should accept it.
Back To Index -:- Top of Index
Date: Thurs, Feb 5, 1998 at 15:46:14 (EST)
Poster: VP
Email:
To: selena
Subject: Free at last! (Re: Long Beach '97)
Message:
Thanks everyone!! It is so good to be able to laugh. The cheese story did the trick, and just like Katie, the fact that stuff like that really happens makes it even funnier.
Just like guarding doors noone cares about. One time they wouldn't let me out of the hall in Tucson, these 2 guys blocked the exit and said it was M's wish that no one leave the building. That was back when they had people babbling on stage all day. I actually got pushed back, albiet gently, but pushed nonetheless. I said 'sc#@w you,' and went out anyway, as I was being told, 'go ahead, but it's on your shoulders that you went against Maharaji's wishes!' I honestly thought I would be hit by lightening or something for disobeying god.
Don't ask me why I have been going to theses things up til now, usually about one a year. It's partly due to a friendhsip that had a strong influence over me. All I can say is, I have finally finally had enough. YES!!!
Isn't it always something else keeping us in there? Like Selena's friendship, or my thirst for the divine K, or a premie community, or whatever need one might have. That is what M is counting on and that is why he runs his little buisness the way that he does. That's why he does not allow any doubt or questioning or discussion.
Congratulations, Selena!
Back To Index -:- Top of Index
Date: Thurs, Feb 5, 1998 at 16:04:38 (EST)
Poster: John K.
Email:
To: VP
Subject: Re: Lila (Re: Long Beach '97)
Message:
Those lyrics are from a famous premie song. The title of which I have forgotten.
I am really shocked it's still being played.
I figured the belief in lila belonged in the category of REAL stupid old fashioned premie concepts about what the LORD will do when he manifests in human form to all of us ignorant sinful creatures.
Although, I don't see why Daya singing to her Dad is so strange. Isn't that what the daughter of the living lord should be doing?
Back To Index -:- Top of Index
Date: Thurs, Feb 5, 1998 at 16:16:22 (EST)
Poster: Katie
Email:
To: John K.
Subject: Re: Lila (Re: Long Beach '97)
Message:
Although, I don't see why Daya singing to her Dad is so strange. Isn't that what the daughter of the living lord should be doing?
I suppose if the only way Daya views GMJ is as "the living lord" and not as "Dad", then obviously it's not strange. And obviously we have no way of knowing how she sees GMJ. If I were in the audience while she was singing some of the devotional songs that people have quoted on the forum, it would tend to make me very uncomfortable. [Maybe I'm just seeing things "negatively" though....(I'm joking here.)]
Back To Index -:- Top of Index
Date: Thurs, Feb 5, 1998 at 16:20:38 (EST)
Poster: JW
Email:
To: John K.
Subject: Re: Lila (Re: Long Beach '97)
Message:
Those lyrics are from a famous premie song. The title of which I have forgotten.
I am really shocked it's still being played.
I figured the belief in lila belonged in the category of REAL stupid old fashioned premie concepts about what the LORD will do when he manifests in human form to all of us ignorant sinful creatures.
Although, I don't see why Daya singing to her Dad is so strange. Isn't that what the daughter of the living lord should be doing?
John, I did recognize that "lila" song from way in the past too. I saw a video of a program in Long Beach in 1996 in which Daya sang that song to Maharaji. In fact, the majority of the songs sung at that program, at least on the video, we were singing to Maharaji 15 or 20 years ago. Lots of songs about devotion, and that M is so spectacularly wonderful and beautiful, etc. They really seemed to get the premies in the audience warmed up to the point where he danced late in the program and people screamed and cried. Very disturbing if you ask me.
Also, I just read where Selena said they played an instrumental arti at a recent program, and Joy said they are playing an instrumental "lord of the universe" at programs. The changes really are a thin veneer. And moreover, he's giving darshan again in the west. Now you can't possibily see a more vivid and blatant piece of proof that M is about a personality/devotional/worship cult than having his devotees kiss his feet by the thousands. That kind of thing even lacks the "thin veneer."
Back To Index -:- Top of Index
Date: Thurs, Feb 5, 1998 at 19:37:58 (EST)
Poster: JW
Email:
To: Rick
Subject: Re: Smith stuff! (Re: Long Beach '97)
Message:
I had a little contact with David Smith in the late seventies. He was a flaming jerk. But for me the wicked one was Jagdeo; who laughed sadistically at me when I resisted moving in the ashram. He said, 'Your wife doesn't even care about you, ha, ha, ha, ha.' What a pathetic piece of work.
And to make matters worse, I'm sure you have heard that Jagdeo was molesting little girls all the while.!!!!! He really WAS a jerk!!! Hope wherever he is he doesn't have access to little girls, which he used to have because premies trusted their children to him as the holy man he was supposed to be.
So, it's likely he didn't have much concern for his own wife, let alone yours.
Back To Index -:- Top of Index
Date: Thurs, Feb 5, 1998 at 19:56:30 (EST)
Poster: X
Email:
To: Selena
Subject: Re: Long Beach '97
Message:
> Another eerie thing for me in Long Beach was the last night when the band played an instrumental Arti.
A truely excellent guitar rendition of the song.
Back To Index -:- Top of Index
Date: Thurs, Feb 5, 1998 at 20:38:04 (EST)
Poster: Katie
Email: petkat@mail.trib.net
To: everyone
Subject: Re: Smith stuff! (Re: Long Beach '97)
Message:
Where is the creepy child-molester Jagdeo - does anyone know? (By the way, to anyone who is reading this, this is NOT a rumor. He was really a molester of young girls.) Is Jagdeo still a member of Maharaji's organization? Any sightings within the past 15 years or so?
(Didn't you see him in the eighties at a program, Joe? Or maybe I'm not remembering correctly.)
Back To Index -:- Top of Index
Date: Thurs, Feb 5, 1998 at 20:43:05 (EST)
Poster: Katie
Email:
To: X
Subject: Re: Long Beach '97
Message:
> Another eerie thing for me in Long Beach was the last night when the band played an instrumental Arti.
A truely excellent guitar rendition of the song.
Perhaps it was an excellent guitar rendition, but if I understand Selena correctly, she thought the creepy thing was all the premies whispering the words under their breath. I'd have to agree, if you're going to PLAY Arti, why not SING Arti? Otherwise it just seems like an "in" joke.
Back To Index -:- Top of Index
Date: Thurs, Feb 5, 1998 at 22:16:11 (EST)
Poster: Joy
Email: Bluebirdd@aol.com
To: John K.
Subject: Re: Lila (Re: Long Beach '97)
Message:
I remember that song Lila, it used to be played by Bhole Ji's Blue Aquarius and sung by an English girl with a really beautiful, high voice. Let me see if I can remember a few of the words. It starts out, very slowly and deliberately:
He's our own
Satguru
And Weeeeeeee should love him
He's brighter than
A thousand suns
And His game
Has just begun
He's Li-la, li-la
And His game
has just begun.
Few more verses along the same lines, but I can't remember any more. This along with the instrumental arti and Lord of the Univ. = devotional thing in full swing again. Thanks to Selena for her honesty, and for using her brain to think her way out of this nonsense, which is not an easy thing to do after many, many years. Hang in there, Selena! Feel free to e-mail anyone here if you need additional support (though sounds like you're doing a pretty good job on your own).
Back To Index -:- Top of Index
Date: Fri, Feb 6, 1998 at 00:47:39 (EST)
Poster: JW
Email:
To: Katie
Subject: Re: Smith stuff! (Re: Long Beach '97)
Message:
Where is the creepy child-molester Jagdeo - does anyone know? (By the way, to anyone who is reading this, this is NOT a rumor. He was really a molester of young girls.) Is Jagdeo still a member of Maharaji's organization? Any sightings within the past 15 years or so?
(Didn't you see him in the eighties at a program, Joe? Or maybe I'm not remembering correctly.)
I recall him speaking at Guru Puja program in Miami Beach in 1982, which was the last big guru-worship program I attended. I have no idea what happened to him after that.
Back To Index -:- Top of Index
Date: Fri, Feb 6, 1998 at 01:22:42 (EST)
Poster: Mickey the Pharisee
Email: mgdbach@ziplink.net
To: Katie
Subject: Re: Long Beach '97
Message:
> Another eerie thing for me in Long Beach was the last night when the band played an instrumental Arti.
A truely excellent guitar rendition of the song.
Perhaps it was an excellent guitar rendition, but if I understand Selena correctly, she thought the creepy thing was all the premies whispering the words under their breath. I'd have to agree, if you're going to PLAY Arti, why not SING Arti? Otherwise it just seems like an 'in' joke.
Ohpleaseohpleaseohpleaseohplease don't post Arti again, it takes days to get that out of my head!
Back To Index -:- Top of Index
Date: Fri, Feb 6, 1998 at 10:25:27 (EST)
Poster: Mr Ex
Email:
To: Katie
Subject: Sex stuff (Re: Long Beach '97)
Message:
>Where is the creepy child-molester Jagdeo - does anyone know?
>(By the way, to anyone who is reading this, this is NOT a rumor.
>He was really a molester of young girls.) Is Jagdeo still a member
>of Maharaji's organization? Any sightings within the past 15 years or so?
He still is (or was recently anyway), usually touring in the pacific, far east.
Maybe he is into sex-tours in Thailand, I heard it’s quite common, even
amongst premies.
Back To Index -:- Top of Index
Date: Fri, Feb 6, 1998 at 10:28:25 (EST)
Poster: Mr Ex
Email:
To: Katie
Subject: Let's sing Arti! (Re: Long Beach '97)
Message:
>Perhaps it was an excellent guitar rendition, but if I >understand Selena correctly, she >thought the creepy thing >was all the premies whispering the words under their >breath. >I'd have to agree, if you're going to PLAY Arti, >why not SING Arti? Otherwise it just >seems like an 'in' >joke.
Premies have opportunities to SING ARTI : twice a year, each day of the program in India & in Nepal. Full Indian Arti. And 1 hour of bhajans afterwards, can you
imagine this?
Thousands of westerners go to Indian programs on every occasion.
Back To Index -:- Top of Index
Date: Fri, Feb 6, 1998 at 10:48:28 (EST)
Poster: Selena
Email:
To: everyone
Subject: Re: Long Beach '97
Message:
People here really do understand, it's amazing. Katie, the "in joke" thing was what got to me. And reading that they actually journey to India because it's ok to sing it there confiims my feelings. So, it seems the premies share an understanding that in America, with our intolerent attitude they hide all the hindu stuff, but they know what they really feel and hint at it at an event so meaningful as M's birthday. Like some shared little secret. To me that bonds them all even closer as some secret little sect, wand brings the whole thing even more into cult status. When allit really is is some meditation techniques and a charismatic leader. That and all the double speak is what finally turned me off.
Back To Index -:- Top of Index
Date: Fri, Feb 6, 1998 at 11:17:15 (EST)
Poster: VP
Email:
To: Mr Ex
Subject: Bhajans (Re: Long Beach '97)
Message:
>Perhaps it was an excellent guitar rendition, but if I >understand Selena correctly, she >thought the creepy thing >was all the premies whispering the words under their >breath. >I'd have to agree, if you're going to PLAY Arti, >why not SING Arti? Otherwise it just >seems like an 'in' >joke.
Premies have opportunities to SING ARTI : twice a year, each day of the program in India & in Nepal. Full Indian Arti. And 1 hour of bhajans afterwards, can you
imagine this?
Thousands of westerners go to Indian programs on every occasion.
Here I go again asking questions, but what is Bhajans? (This time I checked the glossary)
Mickey, You mean you don't want Brian to put Arti into this site as background music for those with multi-media packages?ha ha ha
Back To Index -:- Top of Index
Date: Fri, Feb 6, 1998 at 11:43:05 (EST)
Poster: Mr Ex
Email:
To: Selena
Subject: Re: Long Beach '97
Message:
That's exactly the point.
Thousands of premies from west go to Indian programs every year.
The Delhi ashram can house about 2 thousand westerners!
Most of those people from poor countries can't afford to go there, like Africa, Malaysia, etc: they get darshan in their country.
The cult is there, no doubt. Nothing has changed!
Back To Index -:- Top of Index
Date: Fri, Feb 6, 1998 at 13:36:33 (EST)
Poster: Selena
Email:
To: everyone
Subject: Re: Lila (Re: Long Beach '97)
Message:
Joy
I do appreciate your offer to send email. I may just do that. I seem to have the need to post to the group at the moment probably because I had no one to talk to before.
I am doing ok, but it does hurt. I have seen a counselor 5 times since December because of all this. That's more than I saw her in the last 4 years.
Back To Index -:- Top of Index
Date: Fri, Feb 6, 1998 at 16:56:30 (EST)
Poster: Selena
Email:
To: VP
Subject: Re: Bhajans (Re: Long Beach '97)
Message:
>Perhaps it was an excellent guitar rendition, but if I >understand Selena correctly, she >thought the creepy thing >was all the premies whispering the words under their >breath. >I'd have to agree, if you're going to PLAY Arti, >why not SING Arti? Otherwise it just >seems like an 'in' >joke.
Premies have opportunities to SING ARTI : twice a year, each day of the program in India & in Nepal. Full Indian Arti. And 1 hour of bhajans afterwards, can you
imagine this?
Thousands of westerners go to Indian programs on every occasion.
Here I go again asking questions, but what is Bhajans? (This time I checked the glossary)
Mickey, You mean you don't want Brian to put Arti into this site as background music for those with multi-media packages?ha ha ha
Someone correct me if I am wrong but I think Bhajans are some kind of east Indian (sanskrit? Hindi?) devotional songs. I believe it's an old tradition not just a Maraji thing. They tend to go on and on forever, an hour of those things sounds unbearable. They had some guy singing one at LB last year and I heard someone joke about using this time to go to the bathroom,plenty of time to get back...
Back To Index -:- Top of Index
Date: Sat, Feb 7, 1998 at 01:40:15 (EST)
Poster: By giving his heart totally
Email: bb
To: JW
Subject: and his mind and body, he is driven mad. (Re: Long Beach '97)
Message:
After reading about smith driving around closeing his
eyes because it would distract him from remembering
maharaji I thought I could understand him.
If he was not trying to worship a pretend god he would
stand a chance of being quite a stellar guy.
His determination to be true to god is sadly being
wasted and abused.
He is proof that maharaji is detrimental to any devotee.
To anyone seeking to follow 'the word' and love thier
pretend god does not work.
The real god keeps with holding the sanity in the hopes
you will someday be driven out of the trap.
But maharaji's pretense runs so deep and his anger and
domination makes it all the harder.
These trapped people deserve our help by us taking
action.
And we are.
Back To Index -:- Top of Index
Date: Wed, Feb 4, 1998 at 13:27:14 (EST)
Poster: Mr Ex
Email:
To: Everyone
Subject: EV & charity
Message:
1/ In the beginning ....
More 'preliminary information' on the corporate/tax status of DLM/Elan Vital from the California Secretary of State.
As I mentioned earlier, DLM was incorporated in Colorado in 1972 and in 1986 its name was changed to 'Elan Vital.'
I just got a copy of the original 'statement of corporation' filed with the state. The specific business purposes of DLM/ELan Vital are:
'To provide and operate an institution dedicated to the uplifting of humanity from the sufferings of ignorance by giving the Knowledge of God as revealed by the Perfect Master, Balyogeshwar Parm Hans Sat Gurudev Shri Sant Ji Maharaj...'
AHEM>>>>
The location of the 'main office' is good old 1560 Race Street in Denver, and the form is signed by 'Robert Mishler, President.'
2/ Amendments
There are various amendments (mostly address changes) also filed, which are signed by Sheldon Kaplan (VP), C.S. McNary (secy, she's the one who I talked about who considered suicide during her initiator training program), William Svob (VP), and Dennis Marciniak (VP) (in my opinion, a very nice and decent guy.)
Then on 2/20/86 the name is changed from DLM to Elan Vital on a form signed by Elaine S. Brewington (VP).
Then, on May 5, 1997, there is a new statment filed showing the 'new' business of the corporation, as 'nonprofit educational seminars, conferences, conventions and meetings.' [Geez, kind of mundane given the earliar purpose of the organizaton.]
The CEO is listed as Linda Gross and the Secretary/Treasurer is Kathie Thomas. The company is still listed as a non-profit corporation.
3/ Elan Vital no longer non-profit charitable?
There is also a letter with the documents I received from the Franchise Tax Board stating that DLM qualified as a tax-exempt religious organization. But when I called the Registrar of Charitable Trusts, they said they were told by ELan Vital in 1989 that they were no longer functioning as a religious or charitable non-profit corporation and hence did not have to make the requisite filings. I am following up with the Franchist Tax Board regarding this and I will let you know.
4/ Elan Vital still charitable non-profit!
I am told that as a non-profit DLM/EV was required to file a Form 199 (Exempt Organization Annual Information Statement) which is supposed to give revenues as well as a list of employees and their salaries. I am in the process of getting these if they exist.
But the Registrar of Chairtable Trusts is supposed to have records of this and they told me that as of 1989, EV said it was no longer a charitable non-profit, despite a filing in 1997, that tells the state it remains a non-profit corporation. Sounds kind of fishy to me. I'll see what the Franchise Tax Board has to say.
I can't wait for what JW is going to dig out!!!
Back To Index -:- Top of Index
Date: Wed, Feb 4, 1998 at 13:51:27 (EST)
Poster: JW
Email: joger02aol.com
To: Mr Ex
Subject: Re: EV & charity
Message:
Mr.Ex, I am also very interested in what you said earlier about how Maharaji's plane is financed/leased. If I understand what you said correctly, Maharaji purchased the plane, apparently with big loans that have yet to be paid, causing financial hardship for him and EV, (according to the ex-initiator interviewed by Jim Heller) and the plane is owned by a Swiss Corporation owned by Maharaji and/or his family, and Elan Vital then LEASES the plane from the Swiss Corporation for M's use. Amazing if true.
I am not certain about Swiss laws, but in the States, and I would imagine in most other countries, that is clearly tax fraud. It is nothing more than a scheme to funnel tax-exempt charitable donations for the benefit of an individual, in this case Maharaji. That is tax fraud and people could go to jail if it's true.
I personally know that DLM engaged in a lot of tax fraud in the 70s and early 80s in acquiring the Boeing 707. Under the auspices of a tax-exempt religious organization, we raised millions that went directly to buy and rennovate a plane for Maharaji personally , and as Mishler pointed out, DLM was for years nothing but a funnel for cash to support Maharaji's insatiable desires for material possessions. But if that is going on even today, that is astounding.
But I would imagine that Switzerland was chosen for these transactions because of Switzerland's notorious liberal policies towards corporations, and the notorious Swiss bank secrecy laws. This might mean that the corporation's finances can be kept relatively secret, and that funds can be funnelled back to M personally without detection because of the bank secrecy laws. I'm sure it's no coincidence that Switzerland just happened to be chosen for these financial schemes to take place.
JW
Back To Index -:- Top of Index
Date: Wed, Feb 4, 1998 at 15:31:33 (EST)
Poster: g@brial
Email: g@brial
To: JW
Subject: Re: EV & charity
Message:
Hark, do I hear the faint noise of panic coming from yonder star?
Back To Index -:- Top of Index
Date: Wed, Feb 4, 1998 at 15:35:03 (EST)
Poster: g@brial
Email: g@brial
To: JW
Subject: Re: EV & charity
Message:
Hark, do I hear the faint sound of panic coming from yonder star? This is dangerous ground we're treading on. Have faith, my friends, and unleash the dogs of war...
Back To Index -:- Top of Index
Date: Wed, Feb 4, 1998 at 17:29:42 (EST)
Poster: JW
Email: joger02@aol.com
To: Mr Ex
Subject: Re: EV & charity
Message:
One additional important question, Mr. Ex. Are the premies told that contributions they make to Elan Vital, or any other of the organizations surrounding Maharaji are tax-deductible charitable donations on their income tax returns?
If anyone else knows the answer to this, I would appreciate it. Thanks.
Back To Index -:- Top of Index
Date: Wed, Feb 4, 1998 at 20:28:10 (EST)
Poster: lg
Email:
To: JW
Subject: Re: EV & charity
Message:
One additional important question, Mr. Ex. Are the premies told that contributions they make to Elan Vital, or any other of the organizations surrounding Maharaji are tax-deductible charitable donations on their income tax returns?
If anyone else knows the answer to this, I would appreciate it. Thanks.
During DLM I used to give $, and I knew I could deduct in my Income tax because there was a premie accountant in my community that told me about it. During EV, I don't remember giving $.
Back To Index -:- Top of Index
Date: Wed, Feb 4, 1998 at 21:13:19 (EST)
Poster: the color of
Email: **
To: lg
Subject: money (Re: EV & charity)
Message:
The answer is yes.
And today it is the same claim.
Back To Index -:- Top of Index
Date: Thurs, Feb 5, 1998 at 04:18:23 (EST)
Poster: CD
Email:
To: Mr Ex
Subject: Re: EV & charity
Message:
I got my letter from EV today on my 1997 donations.
It looks clean to me.
Are you sure you know what you are looking for?
CD
Back To Index -:- Top of Index
Date: Thurs, Feb 5, 1998 at 04:32:16 (EST)
Poster: Mr Ex
Email:
To: JW
Subject: Re: EV & charity
Message:
>The plane is owned by a Swiss Corporation owned by >Maharaji and/or his family, and Elan Vital then LEASES the >plane from the Swiss Corporation for M's use. Amazing if >true.
The Elan Vital Foundation doesn’t own the plane anymore : that was a ‘mistake’!
The plane is now owned by a company (M’s very likely), and the EVF is renting the jet.
It’s obviously a lame camouflage. But you know, that jet is so expensive that it’s worth not paying taxes Mr Weisz (Yorun W., m’s fundraising instructor) would say.
Through various intermediates, Mr Rawat gets a free jet from donations made to EV.
>I am not certain about Swiss laws, but in the States, and >I would imagine in most other countries, that is clearly >tax fraud. It is nothing more than a scheme to funnel tax->exempt charitable donations for the benefit of an >individual, in this case Maharaji. That is tax fraud and >people could go to jail if it's true.
Who would go? Linda Gross? Mr Rawat? Kathie Thomas? The guys in the EV Fondation?
>DLM was for years nothing but a funnel for cash to support >Maharaji's insatiable desires for material possessions. >But if that is going on even today, that is astounding.
Remember it’s still DLM! ! Only name has been changed ....
>But I would imagine that Switzerland was chosen for these >transactions because of Switzerland's notorious liberal >policies towards corporations, and the notorious Swiss >bank secrecy laws. This might mean that the corporation's >finances can be kept relatively secret, and that funds can >be funnelled back to M personally without detection >because of the bank secrecy laws. I'm sure it's no >coincidence that Switzerland just happened to be chosen >for these financial schemes to take place.
If the US gov really does an audit over this, there won’t be secrecy anymore. Interpol takes good care of these cases I guess.
Back To Index -:- Top of Index
Date: Thurs, Feb 5, 1998 at 04:34:05 (EST)
Poster: Curious
Email:
To: CD
Subject: Re: EV & charity
Message:
I got my letter from EV today on my 1997 donations.
It looks clean to me.
Are you sure you know what you are looking for?
CD
Why don't you tell us exactly what this letter says?
Thanks.
Back To Index -:- Top of Index
Date: Thurs, Feb 5, 1998 at 14:01:21 (EST)
Poster: IRS
Email:
To: CD
Subject: Re: EV & charity
Message:
I got my letter from EV today on my 1997 donations.
It looks clean to me.
Are you sure you know what you are looking for?
CD
By "clean" do you mean it's not covered with coffee stains or something? And I don't suppose the letter says: "Dear Chris: Enclosed is a summary of your donations to Elan Vital in 1997, a large portion of which we have illegally funnelled to support Prem Pal Rawat's outragiously lavish lifestyle. Thank you for you continued support of the living God. Very truly yours:..."
Back To Index -:- Top of Index
Date: Thurs, Feb 5, 1998 at 19:54:20 (EST)
Poster: CD
Email:
To: IRS
Subject: Re: EV & charity
Message:
I have followed the stories on Ms lifestyle for over 25 years now.
I donate to Elan Vital because I want to.
Have fun chasing your shadow.
I doubt you are the IRS, just another jerk.
Back To Index -:- Top of Index
Date: Fri, Feb 6, 1998 at 00:51:06 (EST)
Poster: IRS
Email:
To: CD
Subject: Re: EV & charity
Message:
I have followed the stories on Ms lifestyle for over 25 years now.
I donate to Elan Vital because I want to.
Have fun chasing your shadow.
I doubt you are the IRS, just another jerk.
You better be nice to me or I will have you audited while I wring my hands together and laugh, feindishly.
IRS Agent
Back To Index -:- Top of Index
Date: Fri, Feb 6, 1998 at 01:26:51 (EST)
Poster: Mickey the Pharisee
Email: mgdbach@ziplink.net
To: CD
Subject: Re: EV & charity
Message:
I have followed the stories on Ms lifestyle for over 25 years now.
I donate to Elan Vital because I want to.
Have fun chasing your shadow.
I doubt you are the IRS, just another jerk.
CD, you have every right to give your hard-earned money to whatever cause catches your fancy. I'm sure that I give money to causes that many here may find stupid. But I must admit, the investigative work being performed here should make any Premie question exactly where there money is going.
Back To Index -:- Top of Index
Date: Fri, Feb 6, 1998 at 01:30:18 (EST)
Poster: CD
Email:
To: IRS
Subject: Re: EV & charity
Message:
> You better be nice to me or I will have you audited while I wring my hands together and laugh, feindishly.
IRS Agent
I don't get any tax breaks.
I don't take any deduction on my EV donations even though they are a moderate amount.
If you want to meet me at a local San Diego bar we can discuss the details.
Why are you into making threats?
CD
Back To Index -:- Top of Index
Date: Fri, Feb 6, 1998 at 01:42:03 (EST)
Poster: CD
Email:
To: Mickey the Pharisee
Subject: Re: EV & charity
Message:
> the investigative work being performed here should make any Premie question exactly where there money is going.
Mike,
So far the "investigative work" I have seen is pretty lame.
I don't know what big financial revelations you are seeing.
Lets see what turns up.
As far as I am concerned EV could use more money.
I'll bet that some tennis stars have a bigger budget flying around to matches.
CD
Back To Index -:- Top of Index
Date: Fri, Feb 6, 1998 at 10:24:40 (EST)
Poster: VP
Email:
To: CD
Subject: Re: EV & charity
Message:
> the investigative work being performed here should make any Premie question exactly where there money is going.
Mike,
So far the 'investigative work' I have seen is pretty lame.
I don't know what big financial revelations you are seeing.
Lets see what turns up.
As far as I am concerned EV could use more money.
I'll bet that some tennis stars have a bigger budget flying around to matches.
CD
CD,
I think you've hit upon something. M needs to get NIKE to sponsor him (they sponsor everyone else).
Back To Index -:- Top of Index
Date: Fri, Feb 6, 1998 at 12:42:07 (EST)
Poster: Agent
Email:
To: CD
Subject: Re: EV & charity
Message:
> You better be nice to me or I will have you audited while I wring my hands together and laugh, feindishly.
IRS Agent
I don't get any tax breaks.
I don't take any deduction on my EV donations even though they are a moderate amount.
If you want to meet me at a local San Diego bar we can discuss the details.
Why are you into making threats?
CD
Have you ever heard of a JOKE, Chris? It was a joke. That's spelled "j-o-k-e" Geez.
Back To Index -:- Top of Index
Date: Fri, Feb 6, 1998 at 17:57:53 (EST)
Poster: CD
Email:
To: Agent
Subject: Re: EV & charity
Message:
>Have you ever heard of a JOKE, Chris? It was a joke. That's spelled 'j-o-k-e' Geez.
Fair enough.
The thing is the statement could be interpreted either way.
Quite ambiguous to the reader, maybe not the author.
I happen to be quite aware of a company that has had some pretty bad and what I consider illegal actions taken against it by a gov agency for over 4 years.
Pretty amazing the amount of trouble a bit of malicious mischief can cause.
Back To Index -:- Top of Index
Date: Fri, Feb 6, 1998 at 18:38:47 (EST)
Poster: Agent
Email:
To: CD
Subject: Re: EV & charity
Message:
>Have you ever heard of a JOKE, Chris? It was a joke. That's spelled 'j-o-k-e' Geez.
Fair enough.
The thing is the statement could be interpreted either way.
Quite ambiguous to the reader, maybe not the author.
I happen to be quite aware of a company that has had some pretty bad and what I consider illegal actions taken against it by a gov agency for over 4 years.
Pretty amazing the amount of trouble a bit of malicious mischief can cause.
The part about having you audited was a joke, Chris. I don't know if any investigation of EV or the other organizations will be a joke or not. And of course, if there is nothing illegal going on, then shining a little light on all of it won't hurt anynone, now will it?
Back To Index -:- Top of Index
Date: Sat, Feb 7, 1998 at 01:57:17 (EST)
Poster: nt5
Email: **
To: CD
Subject: Re: EV & charity
Message:
Microsoft is a victim of that now but thier lawyers
are so good they will win this round.
Back To Index -:- Top of Index
Date: Wed, Feb 4, 1998 at 10:50:44 (EST)
Poster: Katie
Email: petkat@mail.trib.net
To: Steve A & everyone
Subject: To Steve A from Australia
Message:
Dear Steve,
I read a message that you sent to VP last night before the forum reset. I can't remember all the exact details, but I think that you said that you received knowledge in 1978 and practiced until 1985, and that you wanted VP's opinion on the shift from a devotional attitude to GMJ to one where GMJ was regarded more as a meditation teacher (I'm doing this from memory, so correct me if I am wrong.) Some examples that I recall were premies being told not to sing arti and not to give satsang.
I can't address that part of your question, because I received knowledge in 1972 and practiced till 1977. You did also write that you missed the premie-aspirant community very much, and I can say that I agree with you on that. When I was a premie, I thought that most of the other premies in the community that I lived in were some of the kindest, most accepting people that I'd ever met. Also, it was great to live in a community where EVERYONE had something in common, no matter how different from you they seened outwardly.
Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that I did see and read your message.
Regards from Katie
Back To Index -:- Top of Index
Date: Wed, Feb 4, 1998 at 13:31:28 (EST)
Poster: Joy
Email: Bluebirdd@aol.com
To: Katie & all
Subject: Re: Premie Friends (Re: To Steve A from Australia)
Message:
Regarding premie friends, I think the loss of community is one of the greatest losses to bear when you separate from MJ. For me, personally, the friends that I made during that time frame were the best part of the whole experience, and a lot of those folks are still my friends today, though we're separated by large distances, since we all were moved around so much. I literally have premie friends in all four corners of the country, as well as England and Ireland. It's nice to be able to travel and look these folks up, and stay with them when on the road; we were such a large family for so long, that it's just natural that we stay with each other when travelling. Makes for a nice connection still, despite varying stages of involvement with MJ. My ex-premie friends, to a one, have never tried to lay a trip on me about my non-involvement (though that may change if they get wind of the kind of things I write on this site!), and we just share our friendship now.
For some reason, the friendships I made as a premie remain deeper and more fulfilling than most of those I have made before or since and I'm not sure why that is. Perhaps having shared something so "special and unique" (that's supposed to be facetious) made the bond stronger or something. Or perhaps it was living together in such close proximity in the ashram for all those years. Anyhow, I'll love those folks till the day I die, and it's a nice legacy that MJ left me, to counterbalance the negative side of the whole experience. Hence, I've never really regretted my time in the ashram or as a premie. I encourage anyone missing their premie friends to reestablish the connection, just don't get into heavy conversations pro/con MJ and Knowledge, ignore the issue and you'll find you still have wonderful friends from that time. Most premies are/were very spiritual and sensitive people and have a depth and gentleness about them that a lot of "ordinary" folks lack. So I guess I thank Maharaji for putting me in touch with these lovely people, most of whom I would NEVER have met otherwise.
P.S. Can someone more computer-literate tell me how this Forum Reset thing works? Where's yesterdays's messages, and how do I get to them? Do I have to access the archives (a scary sounding proposition)?
Back To Index -:- Top of Index
Date: Wed, Feb 4, 1998 at 19:12:37 (EST)
Poster: Brian
Email:
To: Joy
Subject: Re: Premie Friends (Re: To Steve A from Australia)
Message:
Can someone more computer-literate tell me how this Forum Reset thing works? Where's yesterdays's messages, and how do I get to them? Do I have to access the archives (a scary sounding proposition)?
Everything from the time we trooped back to Paradise from the newsgroup until this morning's reset is now available to read offline. Check out the link to the archives at the top of the index. You can download the zipped files and then read them from your harddrive using your browser. You don't have to be connected to the net to do this.
If you find some thread that you want to restart, feel free.
Back To Index -:- Top of Index
Date: Wed, Feb 4, 1998 at 21:58:57 (EST)
Poster: VP
Email:
To: Katie
Subject: Re: To Steve A from Australia
Message:
To Steve-
I had to get off of the net early last night and missed out on your message. I guess if anyone anwered me last night I didn't get to read it. Thanks for answering and I'm sorry that I didn't see your post.
Katie- How can I see these messages. They aren't in the archives yet are they? VP
Back To Index -:- Top of Index
Date: Wed, Feb 4, 1998 at 23:04:27 (EST)
Poster: Katie
Email:
To: VP
Subject: Re: To Steve A from Australia
Message:
To Steve-
I had to get off of the net early last night and missed out on your message. I guess if anyone anwered me last night I didn't get to read it. Thanks for answering and I'm sorry that I didn't see your post.
Katie- How can I see these messages. They aren't in the archives yet are they? VP
Dear VP - I think Brian has already (and that is amazingly FAST, Brian!) archived these messages. You have to get the file and unZIP it. I "sort of" know how to do that, and am willing to try as I am going to have to learn one of these days. I'll see if I can get the message for you.
K
Back To Index -:- Top of Index
Date: Wed, Feb 4, 1998 at 23:11:09 (EST)
Poster: Katie
Email:
To: Katie
Subject: Re: To VP (Re: To Steve A from Australia)
Message:
Oops I just realized that I assumed that you couldn't unZIP the forum files by yourself! Sorry! I'll go ahead and try to get Steve A's message anyway, but Brian has left good directions under the "access archives" at the top of the forum.
Back To Index -:- Top of Index
Date: Wed, Feb 4, 1998 at 23:16:08 (EST)
Poster: VP
Email:
To: Katie
Subject: Re: To Steve A from Australia
Message:
To Steve-
I had to get off of the net early last night and missed out on your message. I guess if anyone anwered me last night I didn't get to read it. Thanks for answering and I'm sorry that I didn't see your post.
Katie- How can I see these messages. They aren't in the archives yet are they? VP
Dear VP - I think Brian has already (and that is amazingly FAST, Brian!) archived these messages. You have to get the file and unZIP it. I 'sort of' know how to do that, and am willing to try as I am going to have to learn one of these days. I'll see if I can get the message for you.
K
Thanks! There's no way I am going to download these Archives onto my machine because it is too easy to get a virus (never download without a condom, you know.) Especially considering the nature of discussion and some of the hate feelings that are directed from time to time to this Forum. I'd rather just click on it and view it through the internet.
Back To Index -:- Top of Index
Date: Wed, Feb 4, 1998 at 23:46:52 (EST)
Poster: Original message
Email:
To: VP
Subject: Re: To Steve A from Australia
Message:
Here's Steve A's original message, from the archives:
Date: Tues, Feb 03, 1998 at 22:36:55 (EST)
Poster: Steve A steve.allison@lion-nathan.com.au
To: VP
Subject: Re: Receiving Knowledge?
Message:
Dear VP I am an ex-premie from Western Australia, I received "knowledege" in 1978 and began
to wake up around 1985. I agree with all that you've said, "Knowledge" and GMJ were the
purpose of my life, or so I thought for a while. After a time however I started to think if GMJ was
so perfect why was DLM going through turmultuous changes. One day it was OK to sing "Arti"
after Satsang and express feelings of devotion and the next we were hearing that our minds were
feeding on the devotion and that we should concentrate purely on practicing "service", "satsang"
and meditation. Do you recall the Bihar Satsang and how GMJ was displeased with the direction
of DLM and how he was going to put us all straight again?. It seemed we little Premies could never
get it right and that our minds were always scewing us up. Oh what feelings of guilt that us deluded
Premies always screwed things up and let our dreadful minds send us in the wrong direction. The
one thing I really miss about DLM is the people... the other Premies and Aspirants, we were like a
family and we all genuinely cared for each other. I deeply regret loosing contact with many of them.
Even with all of the bad times, I would not have traded this episode in my life, it taught me many
lessons and I think made me a better person in the long run. Please let me know your thoughts.
Back To Index -:- Top of Index
Date: Thurs, Feb 5, 1998 at 00:30:29 (EST)
Poster: VP
Email:
To: Original message
Subject: Re: To Steve A from Australia
Message:
Here's Steve A's original message, from the archives:
Date: Tues, Feb 03, 1998 at 22:36:55 (EST)
Poster: Steve A steve.allison@lion-nathan.com.au
To: VP
Subject: Re: Receiving Knowledge?
Message:
Dear VP I am an ex-premie from Western Australia, I received 'knowledege' in 1978 and began
to wake up around 1985. I agree with all that you've said, 'Knowledge' and GMJ were the
purpose of my life, or so I thought for a while. After a time however I started to think if GMJ was
so perfect why was DLM going through turmultuous changes. One day it was OK to sing 'Arti'
after Satsang and express feelings of devotion and the next we were hearing that our minds were
feeding on the devotion and that we should concentrate purely on practicing 'service', 'satsang'
and meditation. Do you recall the Bihar Satsang and how GMJ was displeased with the direction
of DLM and how he was going to put us all straight again?. It seemed we little Premies could never
get it right and that our minds were always scewing us up. Oh what feelings of guilt that us deluded
Premies always screwed things up and let our dreadful minds send us in the wrong direction. The
one thing I really miss about DLM is the people... the other Premies and Aspirants, we were like a
family and we all genuinely cared for each other. I deeply regret loosing contact with many of them.
Even with all of the bad times, I would not have traded this episode in my life, it taught me many
lessons and I think made me a better person in the long run. Please let me know your thoughts.
Katie- Thank you! We are going to have to change your name from Katie to webmaster!
Steve- Hi! I don't know how long you have been reading this forum. I just got on this week after finding this website. I am really not a premie-only a "virtual premie" (VP) since I read how to do the knowledge techniques on this web site. I have known about GMJ since I was 8 years old and have wanted K since that time. I went to Satsung a lot when I was younger and I tried to get K when I was in college once and once after graduating from undergrad. I never could find any info without asking relatives who were premies. Since I didn't want my whole family to know that I was seeking this, I wanted to find out about this on my own. (Hiding things from others-a big hint that this was not the thing to do? Talk about not trusting your own feelings!) I did attempt to enter the aspirant program (after finally breaking down and asking a family member for info after not being able to find anything out on my own) and it was so secretive. Info about videos kept changing.
I never heard about the Bihar Satsang. Please tell me more about this. What was the year and what else did M say? I am especially interested because a wonderful person in my life was a premie who killed himself about the time that DLM went into hiding and became Elan Vital. I believe that this was due in part to the changes happening at DLM. Of course I can never prove this and I will never have a definative answer.
About missing the premie community,the premies that I knew were mostly in my family and I still see them. Except for the one who is gone. I miss him with all of my heart. Others here have posted about missing their premie communities, so you are in good company on that topic.
I must say that I was very let down to read what K really was and then to practise it. It is okay, but it hasn't changed my life the way that I was led to believe it would. It has just been meditation. I guess that is because I am meditating without the whole master/devotee thing and also because I don't have a whole premie community telling me not to think about anything. I guess this is the real way that receiving knowledge changes your life. It's not the knowledge, per say, it is the devotion, service, etc.
I have to say that even though I wanted to believe that M was the Master, I always had doubts and I never totally bought into this idea. K was something I really wanted, but not if M was attatched to it. Deep inside, I wanted him to be for real so badly, but I always knew that he wasn't. Finding this site just helped me face this again. I really WAS kind of disappointed that he wasn't really who I wanted him to be. (Does that make sense?) Seeing the K here instead of under all of the pressure of initiation really allowed me to see it for what it is. I do believe that even under initiation pressure, I would have been let down about K. I have had a 25 year build-up wondering about this magical thing. You can probably imagine my surprise. Katie told me these techniques are available from other teachers, not just M.
Talk to you soon! VP
Back To Index -:- Top of Index
Date: Thurs, Feb 5, 1998 at 04:34:56 (EST)
Poster: Steve A
Email: steve.allison@lion-nathan.com.au
To: VP
Subject: Re: To Steve A from Australia
Message:
Dear VP, Katie, Joy Brian etc.
Thank you for your interest in what I had to say. I came accross this site only a couple of days ago. The DLM episode in my life despite being traumatic, and a one that brought me and many others in our group to tears of both joy and sadness is still a one that has been of great value to me, it has made me a stronger and I hope a better person. Despite me being almost half a world away from most of you our experiences seem remarkabley alike.
VP please accept my my appologies and deep regret regarding the tragic loss of your friend. It is not hard to understand that DLM could possibley have been a contributing factor to such a tragedy. What do you do when you find that everything that you believed in starts to fall apart and there is no one there to catch you or even understand what you are going through?. For some we dust ourselves off and get back up again and for others there are scars that remain all our lives.
Regarding the Bihar satsang, the tape I heard was a translated recording, as best as I can remember I think it was around 1981. Up untill the time I heard that tape all of GMJ's satsangs seemed very warm encouraging and uplifting. The Bihar satsang told us of how GMJ was not happy with the direction of DLM and of how he was going to put us back on track. After that satsangs in our group started to become clinical and devoid warmth. It was then I noticed that devisions set in between groups of Premies. There were some who wanted to sing Arti after satsang and take holy water and others who thought that all of that devotion stuff was a mind trip, that really only destracted us from the true purpose of meditation. It was at this time that my first doubts came, I began to feel that maybe GMJ was not such a "perfect master" after all, because how could such disharmony exist in perfection.
I do hope that all of us can gain some strength through this forum and that through our shared experiences we can help each other heal at least some of the wounds.
Back To Index -:- Top of Index
Date: Thurs, Feb 5, 1998 at 15:16:27 (EST)
Poster: Selena
Email:
To: everyone
Subject: Re: Premie Friends (Re: To Steve A from Australia)
Message:
I wish I could agree about premie friends, but that just hasn't been my experience.
Maybe it's because I hang around so long. What I see happening more and more is the sense of community is gone or going away. The premies I know seem to have come to some rationalizations that sort of make it all focused on M and they seem to care less and less about each other. When the Long Beach event let out one night it was raining hard, and I got shoved getting into the bus, the premies were as rude trying to get on the bus first as any subway commute.
It's hard to explain but an oversimplified explanation is that they blame premies lack of understanding or clarity when things go wrong, or they blame "the world", but then they give M all the credit for the good times or experiences. For example, the hotel room wasn't ready on time, that's the world for you, the hotel management is stupid, etc.. but, let's say you ended up getting an upgraded room for the same price, well, that's M's grace.
This depersonalization has happened more and more, the events seem to be a lot less friendly, people will say things like "I am only here for M and the experience, not for the premies, etc.." Am I making sense? Brian said it well when he said that a hall of people facing a stage is very different than a small group gathered in a circle sharing an experience.
Back To Index -:- Top of Index
Date: Thurs, Feb 5, 1998 at 22:30:08 (EST)
Poster: VP
Email:
To: Steve A
Subject: Friend (Re: To Steve A from Australia)
Message:
Dear VP, Katie, Joy Brian etc.
Thank you for your interest in what I had to say. I came accross this site only a couple of days ago. The DLM episode in my life despite being traumatic, and a one that brought me and many others in our group to tears of both joy and sadness is still a one that has been of great value to me, it has made me a stronger and I hope a better person. Despite me being almost half a world away from most of you our experiences seem remarkabley alike.
VP please accept my my appologies and deep regret regarding the tragic loss of your friend. It is not hard to understand that DLM could possibley have been a contributing factor to such a tragedy. What do you do when you find that everything that you believed in starts to fall apart and there is no one there to catch you or even understand what you are going through?. For some we dust ourselves off and get back up again and for others there are scars that remain all our lives.
Regarding the Bihar satsang, the tape I heard was a translated recording, as best as I can remember I think it was around 1981. Up untill the time I heard that tape all of GMJ's satsangs seemed very warm encouraging and uplifting. The Bihar satsang told us of how GMJ was not happy with the direction of DLM and of how he was going to put us back on track. After that satsangs in our group started to become clinical and devoid warmth. It was then I noticed that devisions set in between groups of Premies. There were some who wanted to sing Arti after satsang and take holy water and others who thought that all of that devotion stuff was a mind trip, that really only destracted us from the true purpose of meditation. It was at this time that my first doubts came, I began to feel that maybe GMJ was not such a 'perfect master' after all, because how could such disharmony exist in perfection.
I do hope that all of us can gain some strength through this forum and that through our shared experiences we can help each other heal at least some of the wounds.
Steve- Well, I'm heading to bed which means you are probably waking. In response to your last sentence, I hope so, too.
Thank you for what you said about my friend. I called his mom tonight to talk about it. I don't know why I never had talked about the DLM aspect of his suicide with her before. I guess I didn't want to hurt her. She was very glad to talk about it and told me that he absolutely was disillusioned with DLM. He had been very ill and had asked for help from them with no response. I guess none of his premie friends even came to the hospital to check on him, though he called them. (I was away at college and didn't even know about this until after the fact, sadly. The sad part is that he never reached out to those of us who would have come any distance to be with him-his family and non-premie friends. Instead he reached out to something that just wasn't really there for him in a time of need). The time frame on that Satsung is just about what I thought it would be.
His mom also said that she just burned a huge pile of photos of M that were still in her house. (Katie-no need to be afraid to go there anymore-haha!) She said that the sad thing is that he still gets invitations to attend programs from time to time. How pathetic! Anyway, she was very excited to hear about this site and supports it wholeheartedly.
P.S.Off subject- Do you have a fabulous Austrailian accent when you speak?
Back To Index -:- Top of Index
Date: Fri, Feb 6, 1998 at 03:30:33 (EST)
Poster: Steve A
Email: steve.allison@lion-nathan.com.au
To: VP
Subject: Re: Friend (Re: To Steve A from Australia)
Message:
Dear VP
The decision to leave DLM can be very traumatic and as you said the tragedy is he reached out to the wrong people. No one is to blame for that, and least of all you. It is important to remember that his life had purpose and I am sure there were many that were the richer for knowing him. In sharing his story in this forum maybe others will gain strength in their lives and hopefully if and when the time comes they will reach out to the right people.
As for my accent, I guess it is mostly Aussie but mixed with a little English as I moved to Australia from England as a small boy in 1969. As for it being a "fabulous" accent, I'm not so sure.
Back To Index -:- Top of Index
Date: Fri, Feb 6, 1998 at 04:29:35 (EST)
Poster: Steve A
Email:
To: Selena
Subject: Re: Premie Friends (Re: To Steve A from Australia)
Message:
Dear Selena
I only ever went to the U.S. once to have "darshan" with the "perfect one", I think it was Guru Puja 1977 in Miami. There were over 10,000 people there, or so thats what they told us. I thought most of the people there were great, even though most and perhaps me as well were goggle eyed and quote "blissed out of our brain" by the whole thing. Many would just walk up to you and give you a hug or smile warmly at you. Even on the way back home as I passed through L.A. airport, one lovely girl walked up and wrapped her arms around me, I was still a little shocked as she told me she was a Premie from Hawaii and that she had seen my Guru Puja "T" shirt and she had thought it was just so wonderful to see another Premie (I was only an aspirant at the time but I didn't have the heart to tell her).
Damn I wish that I had got her number.
Selena, maybe some of the freinds you talk with in this forum may be a little warmer.
Back To Index -:- Top of Index
Date: Fri, Feb 6, 1998 at 11:04:24 (EST)
Poster: VP
Email:
To: Steve A
Subject: Re: Friend (Re: To Steve A from Australia)
Message:
Dear VP
The decision to leave DLM can be very traumatic and as you said the tragedy is he reached out to the wrong people. No one is to blame for that, and least of all you. It is important to remember that his life had purpose and I am sure there were many that were the richer for knowing him. In sharing his story in this forum maybe others will gain strength in their lives and hopefully if and when the time comes they will reach out to the right people.
As for my accent, I guess it is mostly Aussie but mixed with a little English as I moved to Australia from England as a small boy in 1969. As for it being a 'fabulous' accent, I'm not so sure.
Dear Steve,
Thank you for that! I needed to hear it. I hope that you have a great day today.
I was reading your post to Selena above and thinking that it is kind of sad that people have to be "blissed out" to be so friendly to one another. Our society really discourages this type of behavior (friendly smiles to strangers, etc.) and maybe that is another reason that the whole DLM was so attractive. It gave people a forum for being loving and kind to each other. I say that we can have that anyway in our own lives. We can be loving individuals without having anything else attatched to it. Just look at you and I. We have never seen one another. We don't even live on the same side of the earth and yet you took the time to make me feel better today. That is amazing and very loving. VP
P.S. Now I can try to imagine your accent when you post on here. I love to listen to an Aussie or English accent. The french sound musical to me. A Korean friend of mine says that Americans and Germans sound like barking dogs.
Back To Index -:- Top of Index
Date: Fri, Feb 6, 1998 at 11:13:04 (EST)
Poster: Selena
Email:
To: everyone
Subject: Re: Premie Friends (Re: To Steve A from Australia)
Message:
Steve, I had the same experiences back in the 70's. The premies were all warm and fuzzy and lots of hugs and all that. That's part of what got me hooked in the first place.
All I am saying is that's not the case anymore. The 90's have changed other people besides premies, I know.
Culturally not many people walk up and hug a stranger these days, no matter what tee shirt they are wearing.
And the same is true in the premie culture to some extent - I'm just not sure if a lot of it is the same reason they changed lyrics to a lot of the songs and names for a lot of the activities and organizations: to hide the cult aspect.
Anyway, I am still hurt and obviously somewhat bitter. I didn't have the sense to get out as soon as a lot of you, hence the negativity is fresh off the press.
Back To Index -:- Top of Index
Date: Fri, Feb 6, 1998 at 11:34:27 (EST)
Poster: VP
Email:
To: Selena
Subject: Re: Premie Friends (Re: To Steve A from Australia)
Message:
Steve, I had the same experiences back in the 70's. The premies were all warm and fuzzy and lots of hugs and all that. That's part of what got me hooked in the first place.
All I am saying is that's not the case anymore. The 90's have changed other people besides premies, I know.
Culturally not many people walk up and hug a stranger these days, no matter what tee shirt they are wearing.
And the same is true in the premie culture to some extent - I'm just not sure if a lot of it is the same reason they changed lyrics to a lot of the songs and names for a lot of the activities and organizations: to hide the cult aspect.
Anyway, I am still hurt and obviously somewhat bitter. I didn't have the sense to get out as soon as a lot of you, hence the negativity is fresh off the press.
Selena- Couldn't have said it better myself! Though I tried below, see Re:Friend.ha ha! I hadn't read this yet. Great minds do think alike. VP
Back To Index -:- Top of Index
Date: Fri, Feb 6, 1998 at 13:50:17 (EST)
Poster: Selena
Email:
To: everyone
Subject: Re: Premie Friends (Re: To Steve A from Australia)
Message:
I didn't see your post, maybe it didn't get here yet?
Great minds? Think?? Are those things really allowed : )
I wonder, those of you who still have good friends who are premies. Do you see them often? Do you bring up your true feelilngs about M? When I did I really got attacked, surprising, from someone who sort of prides herself on being so laid back. She gave all the other reasons why she was upset with me, and why I was such a horrible person, but I find it interesting these things were never even hinted at until I put my feelings and thougts about M on the line, rather bluntly I admit.
Back To Index -:- Top of Index
Date: Fri, Feb 6, 1998 at 16:01:07 (EST)
Poster: Katie
Email: petkat@mail.trib.net
To: Selena
Subject: Re: Premie Friends (Re: To Steve A from Australia)
Message:
I didn't see your post, maybe it didn't get here yet?
Great minds? Think?? Are those things really allowed : )
I wonder, those of you who still have good friends who are premies. Do you see them often? Do you bring up your true feelilngs about M? When I did I really got attacked, surprising, from someone who sort of prides herself on being so laid back. She gave all the other reasons why she was upset with me, and why I was such a horrible person, but I find it interesting these things were never even hinted at until I put my feelings and thougts about M on the line, rather bluntly I admit.
Dear Selena (and all)
I lost all my premie friends as soon as I renounced GMJ and Knowledge (although several of my current friends and my sister are ex-premies). Of course, this happened in 1977, when people openly proclaimed that M was god, so I can understand why these people wouldn't want to associate with me. I didn't want to associate with them either... I did remain "friends" with one person who was a premie for several years until she quit, too. I think we were able to remain friend because we'd been very close friends for three years before we received knowledge.
I really admire Joy's ability to remain close to her premie friends, but in my experience, it just wasn't possible. I'm sorry that your premie friend was so hostile to you. That never happened to me because 1)after I left M, I tried REALLY hard not to run into any premies, and 2) if I did run into any premies that I knew, I wouldn't bring up my true feelings about M. I was scared to say anything, basically. Of course now, I'd be really blunt about the subject - I no longer feel that I'm risking going to hell by leaving M.
P.S. I have to admit that I have come to know and like some of the premies that post on this site: Mili, CD, and op. They appear to be intelligent and able to think for themselves, but still are very into Maharaji. But they also appear to be able to think and talk about other things than Maharaji, and to be able to regard me as a person rather than an "ex-premie" (!). That hasn't been my experience with other premies that I've met since leaving M.
Back To Index -:- Top of Index
Date: Fri, Feb 6, 1998 at 17:28:20 (EST)
Poster: JW
Email:
To: Selena
Subject: Re: Premie Friends (Re: To Steve A from Australia)
Message:
I didn't see your post, maybe it didn't get here yet?
Great minds? Think?? Are those things really allowed : )
I wonder, those of you who still have good friends who are premies. Do you see them often? Do you bring up your true feelilngs about M? When I did I really got attacked, surprising, from someone who sort of prides herself on being so laid back. She gave all the other reasons why she was upset with me, and why I was such a horrible person, but I find it interesting these things were never even hinted at until I put my feelings and thougts about M on the line, rather bluntly I admit.
I don't have any friends that are currently premies. Like Katie, I lost all my premie "friends" when I left, which was an indication that those supposed friendships were pretty superficial, but lucky for me a few friends also left around the time I did, and they were a support for me.
Also, a couple of other premies who I was close to left a year or so after I did, and I talked to them a lot and I think those discussions helped them leave, if I do say so myself. It wasn't anything I said, they just trusted me and they knew they could be open and honest with me, something they couldn't be with other premies, and they saw that I left and was happier than when I was a premie and so I think that encouraged them.
And there were a few premies who told them to stay away from me, that I was a "bad influence" and basically, they felt threatened by me. Even an initiator told one person to stay away from me. Fortunatly, this medieval, catholic advice had the opposite effect.
I did have a couple of experiences where premies did "bite my head off" by the mere expression of the fact that I was no longer interested in Maharaji. Really, I tried to be diplomatic and not say what I really thought, that M was a charlatan and that I had been royally ripped off by him. I recall loving, blissful premies telling me to "get fucked" on the one hand, but the usual response was they said they felt sorry for me that I got so confused. That really made me angry. I much preferred the "get fucked" response.
Back To Index -:- Top of Index
Date: Fri, Feb 6, 1998 at 20:34:20 (EST)
Poster: Anon
Email:
To: Selena
Subject: Re: Premie Friends (Re: To Steve A from Australia)
Message:
I didn't see your post, maybe it didn't get here yet?
Great minds? Think?? Are those things really allowed : )
I wonder, those of you who still have good friends who are premies. Do you see them often? Do you bring up your true feelilngs about M? When I did I really got attacked, surprising, from someone who sort of prides herself on being so laid back. She gave all the other reasons why she was upset with me, and why I was such a horrible person, but I find it interesting these things were never even hinted at until I put my feelings and thougts about M on the line, rather bluntly I admit.
I have a many old friends who received Knowledge. Some of them feel the way I do but a lot have reacted really badly when I talk about my new found misgivings to them. It is self-preservation on their part to see me as a negative person 'in my mind'. It's quite revealing to see how people I thought I could speak with honestly and intelligently have become sinisterly incapable of reason and they often resort to desperate and illogical rudeness in their efforts to shut me up. It's quite shocking to see the other side of the blissful smiles.
Back To Index -:- Top of Index
Date: Fri, Feb 6, 1998 at 21:46:47 (EST)
Poster: Steve A
Email:
To: VP
Subject: Re: Friend (Re: To Steve A from Australia)
Message:
Dear VP, Selena and all
Wouldn't it be wonderful if society could be like that, where we all could feel part of the same family?. My biggest mistake was I let my guard down and started to believe that all that wonderful stuff was DLM and GMJ. It wasn't, it's within each us and it doesn't need the 70's, GMJ or any other crutch to bring it out. Was it all so wrong?, were we all so wierd?. If being in the 90's is to shut people out, then forgive me Selena but leave me back in the 70's.
Oops, sorry I better get down off my soap box and I hope you have a great day too VP.
Back To Index -:- Top of Index