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Here’s a copy of an email conversation
(Sitaram's emails) I had a few months back with
Rampuri/Sitaram.
I’ve omitted a couple of paragraphs because
they address some personal issues that are not
related to the main story.
I find Sitaram’s version interesting, as
it’s the view of an Indian ex, completely from
another angle, and who’s been involved at the
very beginning of our story. He left for HIS own
reasons, that are also understandable.
+++++++ 1st email ++++++++
Bonjour Jean-Michel!
I was just doing a little research on a book I'm
working on, and came across our exchanges of emails
a couple years back in An
Indian Perspective on Maharaji's Teachings and
the forum of last year that commented on that.
Well done!
I certainly didn't intend at the time for that
to be public, but I'm happy that you put it out
there. I wish I could have been a participant at
that forum. I find that, at that forum, little
things were discussed as opposed to big things. The
M thing is certainly not unique, and there is great
knowledge (excuse the word, please) to be gained in
understanding just how to excavate the phenomena
and where to put it in the scheme of things and
their ordering.
……….
Yes, the rumours of my death were grossly
overexagerated. But I am curious, for I did do
urine kalpa as part of my yoga sadhana in the early
seventies when I was with Gangotri Baba in Kumaun.
And, by the way, as gross as it may sound, it
brought me great benefits, although I will admit
that I haven't done it since!
To set History straight: Richard Friedricks was
the first premie in America, in West Virgina,
initiated in London. I don't know if I ever met
him, he didn't figure into things when I was
around.
Alan Watts DID put in the first money. Burt
Kleiner, who had originally introduced me to Alan
in the sixties, was ultimately behind the donation.
I went to see him, first, when I arrived in the
States. An old family friend, he had made a
considerable fortune in the equities market, and
was partner in the firm, Kleiner Bell. He was
always giving money to good causes, Free Clinic,
Diggers, etc., in the sixties, so I thought he was
the man. Since he was ALSO the money behind the
Alan Watts Foundation, he put some money in my
pocket for expenses, and sent me to see Alan up in
Sausalito on his houseboat, and told Alan to give
me whatever I asked for. We had a great time, I'll
tell you some of those stories later, he loved my
stories about India and Boy Gods, and gave me
$10,000 to start things off. He never got involved
beyond that. He was a brilliant man, one of the
most brilliant I've met, and very funny. He had
this cutting British sense of humour.
I rented a small house next to the Hollywood
Bowl in LA, and acquired a 'following' of 20-30
people for chanting and meditating, Indian food,
and satsang, usually twice a week. Monday and
Friday. Shiva and Shakti. I put flyers out at Bodhi
Tree Bookstore, never using the name Divine Light
Mission, which sounded Christian Missionary or
Salvation Army to me. In fact, I changed the name I
used on every flyer, Shiva Sangha, Temple of Divine
Eye, Durga Puja, Shiva Puja, Temple of Goddess, the
Akhara.
I sent the money for M's tickets as instructed
by his mother. Joan Aptor arrived in LA only days
before M. She took over phones and secretarial,
stuff that I hated. I just wanted to be a baba in
India.
So, if there were others giving the satsang in
the beginning, who were they? There were only three
of us who had any experience and had been in India.
Gary Girard, who's involvement grew after I left
and Joan. Charananand spoke, M spoke, and I spoke.
The 'inner circle' consisted of us three. And I
initiated hundreds of people.
Don't get me wrong, I certainly am not proud of
my involvement. If my ego is to swell, the DLM
could never be its cause. In the years after I
left, I regretted that I had brought so many people
into that and tried to expiate the 'sin' as it
were. I even made a forray into Prem Nagar in
Hardwar, where I delivered a fiery satsang
(probably 1972) causing almost every foreigner to
leave.
What Bob Mishler and his friends did to the
'movement' was unforgivable. They took the free
spirit, the celebration of life and consciousness
out of it, got rid of the flowers and long hair,
and made it sectarian, made it a Christian inspired
straight religion, something almost everybody I
attracted to the movement strongly rejected.
When Bob convinced Charananand to convince M to
move from Boulder to Denver, because there were
more people there, normal people, not freaks like
are here in Boulder.... Well, that ended it, that
ended the magic. Most of the aware awakened people
left, and it started to crystallize that a religion
was been shaped, and quite frankly, that was
neither where I was coming from then, nor the great
people we attracted in LA, San Francisco, and
Boulder. I continued, but had to be convinced from
M. I had just turned 21 at the time!
Best of luck to you in your ordeal with lawyers
and such.
Best wishes to you and blessings from India.
Rampuri (Sitaram)
+++++ 2nd email ++++++
Jean-Michel,
Thanks for your reply.
You are so right about Bob. M was just too young
then. He was a very priviledged kid, who always had
his way, like many priviledged kids everywhere, who
could have any toy he wished. And like in India,
where the priviledged kids of then and today are
surrounded by servants, who they abuse, M had all
these devotee/flunkies to play with. But to play
with foreigners? Wow, that's the jackpot.
Charananand was an opportunist, a low caste guy
that struck it rich. He was mom's man, at least
until M was strong enough and rich enough, for C to
leave mom's security. He was representing her
interests when M first came.
I wasn't never planning stay in the states, and
my focus was not on building an organization, I was
more of an anarchist. My faith was more in the
incredible people that seemed to spontaneously
gather as I had seen in the sixties. I wanted to
perform what I imagined to be my 'duty' my 'dharma'
and get back to India. Living in a cave was fine
with me. I didn't care about lear jets and sports
cars (maybe I should have!!). I saw M as more of a
patron to what I imagined at the time to be the
vanguard of new western consciousness, largely
inspired by psychedelic experience. Besides Alan
Watts, I was in communication with Leary's people,
a number of prominent sixties Haight Street
personalities, Millbrook people, Brotherhood of
Eternal Love, etc. Alan also put other people on to
me. At 21, I was blown away by some of the people
that came in. And when Alan's money ran out, it
just came from everywhere, no not everywhere, but
from a few contributers that were truly interested
in consciousness expansion. There are people that I
won't even mention for their possible infamy
connected with psychedelics. And, I might add,
there were a lot of psychedelics around, and the
original people that came saw our emerging order
more on the model of a Native American Church with
a peyote sacriment rather than something straight
and Christian-like that could attract the
masses.
Bob was not psychedelic. He was, however, very
bright. He saw fame and fortune, he saw this as a
continuation of the Christian mythology. Convert
the masses. People that are in the first stages of
awakening don't want to convert masses! I can't
even imagine it. Conversion is political, its part
of the consumer society so many of us rejected;
there's little spiritual about it, yet exploring
one's consciousness is spiritual. It's not quantum
mechanics or brain surgery to understand that.
Do you know I threw a typewriter at him one day!
I completely lost it. It was before the big satsang
at Mackey in Boulder. I had given him an innocuous
poem by Kabir Das, and added some innocuous
comments. He added this horrible stuff about only
being SAVED by a sat guru, and this won't save you
and that won't save you, only by coming to a true
sat guru. There is only one way. I am the light,
etc. I missed him as he jumped out of the way. It
smashed against the wall. I made him print up new
flyers. His big move, however, was that he shut out
all the people who had contributed to the the
movement up until then. The houses, the money, the
food, the high energy, the medical care, the cars,
the planes, everything. And I remember the many
people who I had great respect for, coming up to me
when Bob succeeded in getting us to "try out"
Denver, after being shut out and asking me what I
thought they should do, should they leave? And I
told them yes.
In my pride and ego and jouvenile folly, I
believed that Mouni Baba had entrusted me with this
cosmic task of actually showing M the light! Not
the divine light, that's for the gurus, but the
light coming from wonderful people who seemed to
spontaneously combust with new thinking and new
consciousness that seemed to mirror Indian
mysticism. And, in the end, the way you turn on the
world, if that's what you want to do, is by
example, by love and inclusion. Ahh - youthful
folly! I see it as such a luxury!
Michler did the intelligent thing. Tighten the
hatches, screw everything into place, and make a
'real' satguru out of the boy. Get rid of the
Indian stuff, and give them good old Christianity
reshaped for a new age. Hey, Martin Luthor got away
with it!
It sounds to me like you are doing very good
work. It's such a tragedy that so many well meaning
serious and loving people were hijacked off a path
that could have borne a different fruit. There are
teachings here, however. The little blast I got way
back then, meaning the delusion and hypocrisy, has
been enough to last a lifetime, and encouraged me
to get serious in finding out just who I am.
Very best to you Jean-Michel,
Rampuri
PS. Mike has my initiation date completely wrong
by many months, and I was certainly not initiated
with Joan Aptor.
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