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Dear Joan,
I'm the ex-premie who called you this past
summer to discuss Maharaji. Do you remember? You
were busy getting ready for a dinner party but were
able to graciously give me about ten minutes of
your time nonetheless. As I I explained, I called
you because I thought your high profile in the
cult, indeed your status as a 'Super Premie' if you
will, made your opinion about Maharaji inherently
interesting to someone like me who'd never been
more than a rank and file ashram premie.
You seemed somewhat bemused by my call. It was
as if there was nothing to discuss, you certainly
had no regrets or issues to resolve. As for my
'ex-ness', your advice (unsolicited) was to leave
the past behind and simply get on with my life. If
I wanted to follow Maharaji, fine. If not, that was
cool too. But to try to understand, discuss or
analyze the whole phenomenon, forget it, you
weren't interested. Instead, you urged me to avoid
'victim consciousness', something that's apparently
never plagued you. After all, like I said, you had
no regrets.
I have to say that you were more than civil on
the phone. Really, it's not as if you even know me
and you WERE busy, I'm sure. In that respect, I
have no complaints.
What does bother me, though, is that you
personally seem to have engaged in some of the very
revisionism I was objecting to when we spoke. I
have in mind your recent entry in 'Perspectives'
section of Elan Vital's website:
When I talk about Maharaji and the gift of
Knowledge that he gave me, I always use the analogy
of my treasured pearl necklace, each pearl being a
person who has brought huge value to my life. These
are the teachers, mentors and inspirations who have
helped me identify important areas of my life that
were still unexplored. When I meet these people,
something clicks. Maharaji is a rare Tahitian pearl
on that necklace of great gifts in my life.
I met Maharaji at the end of 1969. I was a hippie
wanderer, traveling overland to India. I had a keen
awareness of 'something missing', but would not
have been able to tell you what was missing. I was
not searching for a spiritual master or a technique
of meditation. It was not until I met Maharaji and
heard him speak that I began to feel pieces of the
puzzle fall into place. It all started when I heard
him address his huge audience as 'dear seekers of
truth.'
Maharaji spoke to the importance of having a
practical connection to a part of myself that is
connected to…… whatever I call that
life-force that is keeping me alive. His message
shocked me because it was so different. This was
not an intellectual pursuit. This was not a
lifestyle. This was not an external practice, like
rosaries or mantras. This was an offer to learn the
'how to' of practicing an inner focus on a daily
basis.
The other thing that fit me perfectly about
Maharaji's message was that he was not just
offering a 'how to' and then leaving me on my own.
I definitely needed support to be able to shift
from a purely external focus to a more balanced
menu, which included internal nourishment. Maharaji
helped me see things differently, and opened up new
possibilities in my life. I loved spending time
with him, my heart bursting with the joy of what I
was discovering!
I wouldn't call myself a disciplined person.
I am an emotional person; more comfortable
following my heart than making an action plan to
make my dreams come true. This is another reason a
competent teacher is such a treasure in my life. He
reminds me where the rubber meets the road. If I
really want a life where I feel a connection to
something that I can always count on, then it is up
to me to organize my life accordingly.
I call the time I practice Knowledge my
'quiet time.' It's the necessary break-time in my
life that is increasingly filled with places to go,
people to see, and things to do. I feel sincerely
fortunate that Maharaji has offered me a method to
find that quiet place, one that works for
me.
I wouldn't say it's easy to practice
Knowledge. It's daunting to be aware of the motor
mouth of the mind. But it is simple. Even I can do
it. The rewards? Maybe just that little inch of
separation between my worries and me, which makes a
huge difference in my life!
Joan, with all due respect, this account of how
you got involved with Maharaji and who he is to you
flies in the face of your earlier such account in
the book 'Who Is Guru Maharaj Ji?' In fact, Joan,
this seems to be the very kind of revisionism I was
complaining about.
For example, whereas you earlier wrote:
This is a testimony. But really, without
exaggerating, it is a scripture, for I have been
graced and the Living Lord has found me, and so my
experiences with Guru Maharaj Ji are the eternal
experiences written by every soul in the past and
will be written by every soul in the future who
meets the embodiment of truth, pure consciousness,
and bliss, receives his Knowledge, and lives under
his universal shelter.
today, Maharaji, you suggest, is just one of a
series of 'teachers, mentors and inspirations who
have helped me identify important areas of my life
that were still unexplored.'
See the difference? See my problem?
Even more troubling, in my opinion, is the
discrepancy between your accounts of what you were
doing in India at the time, how you came to
Maharaji in the first place and how he initially
impressed you. On EV's site, you say that you
weren't 'looking for a spiritual teacher or
meditation technique'. However, in the book, you
explain, in great detail, how completely obsessed
you were, then, with spirituality:
I had been walking from ashram to ashram,
weeping quite a lot, reading scriptures and
mourning.
Indeed, you detail the excruciating, perhaps
even life-threatening spiritual malaise you were
suffering and your desparation to find some relief.
Your story is nothing if not the story of a young
woman preoccupied with spirituality and
relentlessly searching for spiritual guidance. It
sounds like you haven't looked at what you wrote
for the book in quite a while. Perhaps it's worth
another look when you get a chance. After all,
they're your words, not mine.
The disparity that struck me the most, however,
in the two stories is how you deal with coming upon
Maharaji and how he first impressed you. What you
wrote for EV:
It was not until I met Maharaji and heard him
speak that I began to feel pieces of the puzzle
fall into place. It all started when I heard him
address his huge audience as 'dear seekers of
truth.'
is entirely at odds with what's in the book.
There, a series of different 'spiritual seekers'
including one of Maharaji's own mahatmas, tell you
about Maharaji over a course of many months. Your
interest is piqued a little further with each
encounter. Then, after suffering what sounds like a
severe emotional breakdown, you finally get packed
off to see Maharaji with a letter of introduction
from his mahatma stating that you 'would die' if
you didn't get Knowledge. Finally, you arrive and
are such a basket-case that you can do more than
huddle, frightened, on his front lawn watching
everyone else prostrate at his feet.
The point is, Joan, like everything else in
Maharaji's world, your account for EV seems to be
no more than a whitewash, a pack of lies tailored
to sidestep the true nature of this cult. Here's
how you ended your entry for EV:
I wouldn't say it's easy to practice
Knowledge. It's daunting to be aware of the motor
mouth of the mind. But it is simple. Even I can do
it. The rewards? Maybe just that little inch of
separation between my worries and me, which makes a
huge difference in my life!
And here's how you ended your entry for the
book:
Guru Maharaj Ji is pure and perfect. We can
experience this purity and this perfection only
from the divine manifestation of the soul, the
Perfect Master. When I understood that Knowledge
was the way that I could be constantly connected to
him, internally and externally, I begged for
Knowledge. And he gave me that entrance into the
kingdom of heaven.
See my problem, Joan? Think about it.
Anyway, I should let you know that you've been
the subject of some discussion over on the
ex-premie forum:
http://www.ex-premie.org/forum5/main.cgi
Many people there think that you, personally,
should be accountable for the part you played in
rallying the troops. I, for one, think that, while
that may be true, the real issue for you must be
one of honesty. Wouldn't you like to come clean
with your past, etc. etc.?
Trial by fire, Joan. It's the only way.
I'd add more but I'm running late for a
wedding!
Sincerely,
Jim Heller
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