|
Erika,
Thanks again for the post. I just wanted to
comment on a few things you said.
I practice Knowledge and really enjoy it, and
I consider M my teacher and find his talks
inspiring and focusing. So, anybody who needs to
flame me or discount me, or not listen to anything
else I have to say because I’m a 'cultist;'
please – be my guest.
There are a number of people I know who still
practice the meditation techniques that they got as
premies, and say they enjoy it, but they no longer
recognize Maharaji as having anything to do with
what they get out of it
Personally, the meditation techniques are too
associated with Maharaji for me to want to do them.
I can't get past the belief, which I know you held
(or at least said you held), that everything I
experienced that was positive came from Maharaji's
'grace' or his 'love.' Indeed, that's what he told
us.
As such, the techniques are much too intertwined
with something that I now consider deceitful, or at
least erroneous, for me to want to continue doing
them. But I don't think anyone is going to
'discount' you for doing them yourself, and there
are people who enjoy doing them but don't feel the
need to be associated with Maharaji. I think some
of us might say that Maharaji has fraudulently
imposed himself in the middle of all that, for
personal gain, and that he simply isn't necessary
to whatever it is you like about practicing
knowledge.
I’ve been reading this board on and off
for a long time. For years, it mostly felt crappy
and hateful and self-aggrandizing to me. Recently,
though, a number of more balanced and reasonable
voices have prevailed (and I’m not just
talking about the PAMs -- hey, Mikes and
Guy).
Speaking as someone who has been involved with
this Forum for a long time, off and on, I think I
agree with some of what you are saying about this.
But I've also had the advantage of meeting a number
of the people who you might think were saying
'crappy' or 'hateful' things, so you probably only
have a very limited view on that, just like you say
you are in contact with premies, and hence perhaps
have a broader view of what they are thinking these
days.
Also, in the earlier years, there were a lot
more premies coming on the site and being a bit
obnoxious, and really, only the more, shall we say,
vocally blunt, were posting. I've had premies tell
me that I am nothing but a hateful, bitter,
blaming-others person because I'm attempting to
hold Maharaji responsible for some of his actions,
and that simply isn't true. So the hateful stuff
goes both ways. For some reason, premies have
largely disappeared from the Forum, and the few
that remain have moved from premie to
ex-premie.
Also, there are a lot of people who got hurt
pretty badly as premies, certainly a lot worse than
me, and as public forum that allows open
discussion, something not allowed at all on any of
the EV/Maharaji sites, there isn't any other forum
where people can do that, and so anger can get
expressed here.
I agree, the tone has changed, though, and I
think it's because there are now many more people
posting and reading this site, and that tends to
moderate things, just having a broader
cross-section of people.
I’ve read a lot of things over the past
few weeks that disturb me deeply – mainly
about M’s problem drinking and sexual
irresponsibility, and the fact that he seems to ha
let the Jagdeo issue just slide away. I want to
find out as much as I can about these things, and
intend to grill current PAMs I know very
forcefully.
Why is it that Maharaji himself isn't accessible
to answer your concerns? Why is it that PAMs are
the ones who you would ask, and what do you think
they might be able to tell you? I mean, do you
believe what Michael Dettmers says, which supports
what others told me, whom I also trust enormously,
or not?
By the way, back when I left the cult in 1983, I
sent several registered-mail letters to Maharaji,
sincerely asking questions that directly pertained
to my life. I never got an answer to even one of
them. I even gave one to an Intitiator to give to
him. In the past two years, I have sent a number of
emails and letters to Maharaji's website, asking
about the things I had heard, and my concerns about
misrepresentations on the Internet. Again, no
response whatsoever. Maybe because you knew
Michael, or someone who could raise your concerns
directly to M, he paid attention to it. I think
that didn't apply to the vast majority of other
premies.
The thing I want to take issue with though,
is the idea that following M has always been about
fear and abuse – for everyone.
Well, clearly it wasn't, and if you read this
Forum for any time, you will see that people have
all kinds of views on this. Some people were always
'fringe' premies. They never took half of what
Maharaji said seriously, or chose to ingore it.
They also never trashed their lives to try to
devote it to him 100%, whether out of fear, love,
idealism or whatever. So, for many of them it was
'get high' and it's all about love, and that was
it, and they didn't alter their lives all that much
to be premies. It just wasn't such a big deal.
But I know for me, a lot of what Maharaji said
in 1977-1983 especially, was extremely fear-based,
and I know lots of other people who see it the same
way. I don't know how you could possibly sit
through that satsang at Kissimee, or the ashram
meeting at Kissimee, and not experience fear. Maybe
some people didn't, but many people, including me,
did. I think I'm one of those people who tends to
take things literally, but of course when it's the
Perfect Master, the 'Superior Power in Person,' how
else should you take it?
Also, Erika, you just can't deny the fear he put
into us about either stopping the practice of
knowledge, not devoting ourselves to him, or
leaving the ashram. It really did happen, as quoted
on this website, and as I heard with my own
ears.
I recall him telling us on Christmas Day, 1979
that if we didn't devote our lives to him, we would
go to Hell. Okay, so I'm a Catholic boy, so that
had particular resonance. But hey, almost anyone
who grew up in American Society knows hell is a
pretty bad thing -- eternal and bad. And if the
living Perfect Master is telling you that, and you
believe him, you are going to be afraid. Note also,
that Maharaji has never taken one shred of public
responsbility for saying those things. His response
is either to blame the victim, or those around him,
or to lie.
[Have you seen the Answers to the FAQs on
the Elan Vital website? Do you think they are
accurate? Do you think Maharaji never portrayed
himself as the incarnation of God (whether that
meant anything to YOU or not, it might have meant
something to others.]
Also, most people, including me, never even met
Maharaji. I lived in his ashrams for almost 10
years, and I never even talked to him, even once.
But I saw him be amazingly abusive to people in
ways that make me physically ill. And now we are
hearing more. No, he wasn't personally abusive to
me, but then he never had the opportunity, thank
God. Plus, I have to call a spade a spade, and a
lot of what he said to us, I categorize as abuse,
because that's what it is, even if he didn't think
so.
The way you interpreted all of that only you
know, but good for you if you interpreted all that
in a positive way, and didn't get the negative
effects many others did.
A week or so later, in Miami, I was in a room
alone with M, and he said, 'So, Erika, how are
you?' And I said, 'Well, it was really hard to come
here, Maharaji.'
Why was it hard to come there? I thought you
said it was 'cool?' Why were you seeking his
approval about whether or not you should get
married? I mean, if you really believed that
everything Maharaji said was about loving and
developing as a human being, and if you felt love
for the guy you wanted to marry, why did you feel
trepidation about approaching M about this -- I
mean if there was no fear involved, if it was just
about following the love? Something doesn't quite
fit in that story.
But I have no doubt Maharaji could be quite a
nice guy, and often is. But what is your point of
that? Is it only your, personal experience of him
being nice to that matters? He was nice to you,
maybe even loving, but what about the bigger
picture? How 'loving' was he to all the other
premies who, for example, he dumped out of the
ashrams in 1983, including sticking them with the
debts, which, according to people who know, he
hardly even thought about? He just did it, without
much apparent concern at all for the real human
beings living there, and, of course, never taking
any responsibility for it. What kind of a nice,
loving, guy does that?
This kindness, clarity and support have
characterized all my interactions with M over the
years – and, as in the situation above, I feel
I’ve always been very honest with him and
never felt any negative repercussions.
Well, this is a personal relationship, or so it
seems. One thing I remember about you, if you don't
mind, was that you were very interested, and
wanted, a personal relationship with the person,
the guru, the master, Guru Maharaj Ji. I recall
devotional love songs, and I felt that was your
ambition. You wanted to be as physically close to
Maharaji personally as possible, because you loved
him.
But I'd just like to say, that you aren't the
first person I've talked to, who has held on having
faith in Maharaji based on a couple of positive
interractions with him. Is that adequate?
I thought I loved Maharaji too, but I don't
think it was love, because I didn't know the guy at
all, and so love is really not possible. It isn't
love, it was something else. But I have to say, I
never was really attracted to Maharaji, and I never
found him particularly inspiring. I more found the
other premies inspiring, and I did sometimes get a
group high in his presence, although even that went
away eventually.
By the way, Erika, lots of people have the
ability to make you feel they really care about
you, focus on you, and maybe even inspire you, but
that doesn't mean they really do. Actions are
louder than words, as they say, and Maharaji's
actions, even aside from the atrocities in his
personal life, don't reflect very well on him. Bill
Clinton is a good example of this ability. I met
him once, and others have agreed with me, that he
is extremely charismatic, and makes you feel that
he is your friend and concerned about you, but
somehow I doubt that's really true. Does M have the
same ability? Maybe.
Thanks again, Erika, and all the best.
Joe Whalen
|