Journeys: Bill

Date: March 28, 2000

Greetings to you all!!

I've been lurking around this site for a few days working up my nerve to finally post and thank all of you for everything I've seen at this site. I had no idea that there was such an active community of ex-premies, websites etc. Last time a checked (a few years ago?) I found very little on the web about Guru Maharaji and the DLM (I didn't know about EV).

So here's my story in a nutshell:

I'm 18 years old, the year is 1971, and I'm away from home (L.A.) in my first semester of college at Sonoma State in California. I see an intriguing poster for a program about a 13-year old living master and decide to attend. Turns out to be a small group of really nice folks, one in particular who I really take a shine to (Maharaji dubbed her 'Mini Sai Baba' because she had an afro and looked a bit like a mini version of Satya Sai Baba). I start to hang a bit with these people, and then Mahatma Rajeswar comes to town and I receive Knowledge after an all-night brainwashing session. I'm blissed out now :-) I start going to satsang all the time etc. I'm a premie! I now know everything and am not afraid to tell anyone I meet about the Perfect Knowledge etc. You know the drill.

I continued my studies while attending satsangs, going to San Francisco to see his holiness etc. My first big program was in Montrose, Colorado. I forget what it was called, but I loved it. Must have been a few thousand of us there. Later that year I chucked school and went on the jumbo jet pilgrimage to India. Stayed in the ashram in New Delhi and Hardwar (Prem Nagar) for a month with a few thousand other premies with mild to intense cases of gastric distress, using the 'lota' (cup) of water instead of toilet paper, then disinfecting our (left) hand in a drum full of some kind of purple stuff. I loved it all! I was holy!

Back to school, more satsang, lots of meditation, and then the Houston Astrodome Millenium Festival. That's where it really began to fall apart for me. Even though I'd dug on the pictures of Maharaji wearing the Krishna crown, I was nauseated to see him in it at the Astrodome. The whole thing seemed so surreal, and all of it a ploy for his and his family's personal gain. After Millenium, I wasn't too keen on satsang anymore and was meditating less. Then when the family broke up, and Maharaji married the stewardess, I was finished. It was difficult to take down the small altar with his picture, but I couldn't look at it anymore. This must have been about 1974 or so.

It's interesting to look back at those days (though painful) and ask myself the question 'What could I have been thinking?'. I realize I was caught up in the times and the 'glamour' of having a guru (though he wasn't much of one). I've always been heavily into music (guitar playing) and my hero, John McLaughlin, had a guru (Sri Chinmoy) so I figured I needed one too (kind of like jazz musicians who start shooting heroin because their idols did and they think it will make them play better). I was also kind of lost, and liked being the part of something that looked to me like it was going to revolutionize humanity.

But I always had doubts. Maharaji himself was so uncharismatic that I laugh when I hear people say he was or is. It's total projection on their part. His speeches were inane, and he seemed so removed from everyone and uninvolved. Plus, he didn't even meditate, and only seemed to be interested in self-gratifying activities, such as eating, diddling around on a synthesizer (he had no talent, and neither did his 'genius' brother Bhole Ji!), buying fancy cars etc. I remember when he got an ulcer. I think the doctor said it was from drinking too much Coke. An ulcer at 14! That's really saying something.

It's pretty embarrasing to admit to friends that I was once a follower of the fat boy and worshipped as God, and kissed his feet. I mean, of all the guru con-artists, he's arguably the most laughable. I hate to say it, but Dad was right about this one! :-)

Hard to believe he's still at it and still gets new converts and more wealth.

Bye for now,

-Bill (alive and well in Santa Cruz, CA, and guru-free)

Return to Journeys Index

Top of Page & Main Site Links