|Journeys: Bryn Davies|
|Date: October 6, 2001 (Addendum July 2011)|
|Bryn wrote the addendum below in July 2011, where he reviews his attitude to his time as a follower of Prem Rawat]
My name is Bryn Davies. I am 52, male, and live in England. I "got knowlege" at the Palace of Peace (what a name! I should have noticed at the time) in 1974. I was a model premie in my own mind, and in the eyes of "the community" for 26 years until Harrogate 2000. In fact the rot had set in earlier, about ten years earlier upon reflection, and upon further reflection even earlier than that! But one never left room for doubt in ones mind in those days!
I remember seeing M at Barcelona, and Manchester, (1999?) and thinking to myself: "This guy looks and sounds distinctly dodgy". There was also a "Presentation" by Raja Ji, in Leeds, around that time in which I had to fight back the urge to laugh out loud at the sheer ludicrousness of what was going down; the unspoken sub-texts and "hidden" agendas, the tacit assumptions! Walking out after that "event", I caught the eye of a friend and read in it the same unspoken admission that was going through my mind: "Fuck this. We're being HAD. Time for a re-think".
Same sort of thing happened as I left the hall in Harrogate. A very clear thought formed in me: "I'm afraid "phase two" is going to have to go ahead without me!". Maharaji had come across as tacky, philistine, ( I cant think of another word for this), manipulative and bored. So I just "walked" - and thank god. What a relief!
I could go on. With the benefit of hindsight there are many moments when the need to evaluate arose, but there was never any arena in which to express the ideas and perceptions. Consequently there was no language available with which to evaluate and evolve coherent paths of thought on what was taking place. I just went back to the solitary business of "satchitanand" and trusting "that connection".
Thanks to the internet, and the written contributions of a cross section of people who had shared the common experience of "being a premie", I began to evolve the language required for the examination of " this knowlege" and my relationship with it and "the Master". I reflected, and I did not like what I found in myself. I ventured to discuss with others the feelings and discoveries about myself I had made. It was not easy. I had a short period of direct professional counselling on the matter, in which the counsellor, (a "mainsream" NHS (state health service) pro.) observed that my mind-set had a lot in common with their long-term prisoner patients, and also military personel discharged unwillingly into society!
Anyway it all turned out alright and it is becoming possible to communucate openly and clearly on all aspects of my intentions, "this knowlege", "that place", "the Master? Speaker? filament? Lord of the Universe? Successful investor? Saviour of mankind? Satguru? etc. I am now doing a degree in Theology and Religious Studies, with a view to combining my life interests of performance, therapy and God. Hurrah!
Addendum July 2011.
Its now 10 years later. I don't take back a word of the above, but now I can see myself in context. Since leaving the cult my understanding has accelerated and I no longer feel the above statements represent my present position on the matter. Two main points:
1.As far as my spiritual evolution is concerned the whole point of getting K was to get out of it. That still stands, and the above Journey Account represents that moment of transition from insider to outsider, with all the essential and legitimate anger, antipathy and confusion entailed. Bless this website for help with that.
2. My life-journey has progressed now to reveal, with hindsight, that my 25 year relationship with Maharaji was a beneficial one. I have since learned a lot more, in a theological sense , about what it was I was involved in. The details of this I don't intend to go into here. All I wish to convey is that in terms of my personal path through life, Maharaji, as a guru, and "his" so-called "Knowledge" was to a very great extent a helpful and furthering experience for me.
The details that have led to the above addendum are many and I leave each individual to work out their own perspective on the matter. In short-with M as a guru, (I never knew the man) and with the meditation techniques he (indirectly) showed, I have no quibble. My HUGE reservation, with hindsight, is the fact that both he and his method are woefully incomplete, and perhaps somewhat dishonest in the language that surrounds them; in as much as that language suggests that they are in some way universal. There is much more to be learned Prempal than can be "experienced" in your K. But despite that, goodbye, good luck and thanks for all the fish.