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As usual Mike, you
waste few words and present us with a thoughtful
analysis. Let me use your concise list as a
starting point to consider my reasons, which have
changed over the years.
Firstly let me dispute your point 7) where you
say:
Forum-junkie; no real reason other than
withdrawal symptoms if you don't visit the Forum
for a few days. Question: when you turn your
computer on, what is the first thing you do? If you
go to this Forum then you are probably in this
category.
No one is a Junkie for no reason. Some people do
seem to have not much else better to do, judging by
the lack of substance in their posts, than to
switch on their computer and go straight to the
forum. But 'withdrawal' itself can be for good
reason.
Although I certainly scan this forum quite
regularly (maybe not quite daily - but almost) I am
not ashamed to say that my habit is fuelled, (as I
say again below) by a real need to see justice done
and to scan the forum for interesting
developments.
1) To bring M down; to finish his work as a
guru, at least in the West.
I was never motivated to bring M down as such.
Rather I felt that the Forum was symptomatic of
premies not having the opportunity within M's
world, to voice dissatisfaction to him personally.
Therefore my expressions on the forum (especially
when I dropped the fear-based anonymity) were
effectively a challenge to Maharaji himself, to
address these issues that either he was unaware of,
or was simply ignoring. This was more or less a
personal expression that I hoped Maharaji might
heed and/or other premies resonate with.
I hoped, and still believe, that communication,
sensible thought and public criticism could prompt
Maharaji into setting matters straight on my
particular questions, one of which was - why he was
so tough on us living in ashrams and using his
position of trust to control people with fear?
2) To put in the public domain private facts
about M, his close advisors, and K.
The secrecy factor about both the Knowledge
itself, the goings of Elan Vital, and above all
Maharaji's actual life and habits has long seemed
indicative that there was something wrong. I have
never felt that the secrecy was remotely justified,
or explained by the party line.
For a start, newcomers do not have an honest
picture of what they are getting into. Therefore
the fact that these Forum discussions take place in
public and that some of these 'secrets' are
discussed, has to be a good thing for them. At
least they are getting both sides of the story
before they get into it. To this extent I agree
that the forum is undoubtedly a public service.
3) So that premies can be exposed to points
of view they would not be exposed to if it were not
for this Forum (and others like it).
Only on a public forum can this really happen.
Also, premies want to hear any stories about
their Master that demonstrate his mercy, compassion
etc. These were called 'darshan stories' and we
could not get enough of them as premies. Naturally
curiosity compels premies to at least prick up
their ears when reports that hint of less 'divine'
behaviour are published. They can get those stories
here.
The points of view of exes indeed are not always
dismissed by premies as heinous nonsense. Many
share the misgivings that exes have, but are not
yet so sure that the bad outweighs the good.
4) To provide an environment where
individuals can become clearer in their own
understanding and perception, whether as readers
only, or as actively participating.
and
6) To give vent to suppressed feelings.
I have got a lot out of both posting and just
reading here, just as do many others.
The fact that many choose only to ‘lurk’
is for several reasons.
a) Current Premies are probably just perversely
curious to see the 'fallen' in their hell but
wouldn't dream of joining in. One premie admitted
to me that he was drawn to read the site much as he
was drawn to watch some hard porn movie!
b) People 'on the fence' are scared of being
confronted about their position by aggressive
over-zealous exes.
c) They, like me, have mostly said their bit and
are just curious to sift through the dross to pick
out gems and new developments and to respond when
inspired.
I used to have a lot to say... to get off my
chest. I feel that in this respect I have succeeded
and have less need to write now, as it would be
mere repetition to do so. (Having said this I often
do repeat myself addressing newcomers). Like others
that posted here and submitted journeys to
www.ex-premie.org , it was very helpful to have an
environment where I could express my misgivings
about what I experienced as a premie and to
question the cultic aspects thereof.
This was an exercise done somewhat in
desperation after having been frustrated in seeking
answers from within the 'system' over the years, or
indeed having just 'bottled up' my doubts.
There was an element of anger at having been
subjected to authoritarian suppression within the
system and a feeling that the Internet hailed an
opportunity to get in touch with like-minded
aggrieved persons so that we might voice our
complaints. Putting pen to paper (tapping words to
screen?) as such is after all, a powerful medium of
expression and has the effect of making one
consider ones buried issues in a concerted way.
Just by writing and discussing with others, doubts
that maybe one was timid to entertain, are
addressed at last.
The fact that so many others seem to share ones
feelings and that there is a 'forum' where such
doubts are not frowned upon is a relief and gives
one confidence in oneself. A confidence that was
severely undermined by the habit of demonising the
'Mind' within the cult.
5) To obtain justice for wrongs committed.
In Maharaji's world there is a warped sense of
justice, as is borne out by the fact that so many
wrongs have been seen to have been swept under the
carpet.
I am reliably informed that, as a Scorpio with
strong Libran tendencies, I am burdened with a
particularly strong sense of justice! Maybe this
accounts for my own feelings that there is an
urgent need to not let these corruptive historic
events be forgotten. If we cannot learn from
history then it is a sorry world.
The Internet gives people worldwide the
opportunity, through public forums such as this, to
expose the abuses of oppressive regimes and cults,
both alerting people to the dangers of falling prey
to them and drawing attention to the injustices
that they have perpetrated that justice may finally
be sought.
This is an important point Mike. I have often
felt that there was much about Knowledge that was
suspiciously unfair. For a start, the
qualifications for receiving Knowledge were always
touted as simply having sincerity etc. In reality
it was necessary that you be a very rare and
particular social creature...one that could
tolerate all kinds of nonsense from being willing
to jeopardise ones job travelling around after
Mahatmas to being able to bear the inane endless
ramblings of weirdly dressed kids sitting on hard
floors.
This certainly severely marginalized the group
of people who could possibly be eligible for this
Great Universal Truth. Of course if you had a
religious conviction that was a severe problem too.
To me it was unjust to pretend that Knowledge was a
gift that you could put into your life and it would
improve, when the agenda became more and more about
what you needed to give up of your life. Adding
insult to injury, those sacrifices that we all
made, that we now maybe feel as a sense of loss,
were largely to Maharaji's enormous personal
gain.
Here is a man whose huge personal wealth others
have given him, many of whom now feel is not
altogether deserved. Some people just feel that it
is enough to cut their losses and just get on
rebuilding their lives. Others feel actually
crippled by the abuse that they feel was
perpetrated upon them, and feel that their 'moving
on', their healing, is inextricably tied up with
Maharaji, as chief abuser, being brought to account
- to justice.
As long as Maharaji is seen to be 'getting away
with his past crimes' - carrying on with business
as usual, many feel that they have an obligation, a
personal need (maybe in some cases bordering on
revenge) to keep pushing for justice- not to let
the matter rest. I am driven by a mixture of these
feelings (in degrees) and also a higher ethic that
compels me to simply pursue truth even if that
means, ironically, confronting the person I once
adopted as a trusted teacher of that subject and
his ideas about what 'It is'.
The public forum is a neccessary watchdog to the
continued activities and effects of Maharaji and
Knowledge on people's lives. As far asa i'm
concerned, if people like the Andersons, feel
benefitted -that's fine. I can tolerate their
position and indeed can repect it to some degree.
However there is a need for an open public space to
discuss both the pro's and cons of M and K, and at
this time, this seems to be fulfilling that
role.
Finally, I must say that I have long been a
supporter of the notion that this site should have
some moderation to ensure that people stay on
topic, rather than use it is a place to discuss
world events etc. However, that some personal chat
takes place is hardly intolerable, making the job
of the FA particularly difficult.
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